The Improbable
by Tralla
Summary: Yaoi, Het, and Yuri AU fic: Duo moves into a new neighborhood. But, unfortunately for him, there are suprises around the bend...Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made.
1. Part 1

The Improbable part 1  
By Tralla 

  
Contains: mentioned R+2

Duo stood on the sidewalk of a suburban street, a suburban street he assumed he'd spend the rest of his life on. He sighed. That's what marriage meant: a lifetime with commitment to a person of your choosing. Except it wasn't really his choosing. He turned around and faced a yellow house with a white picket fence, his new home. The "for sale sign" with the huge red tag over it that said "sold" was still up in the front yard. He just stood there in a sort of sulky fashion. He'd been sent to the store to pick up groceries for that night's dinner…a dinner he'd end up cooking…since Relena couldn't cook for beans. Duo rolled his eyes. He wasn't that good of a cook either…but at least he was capable of boiling water, unlike his klutzy wife. Wife…Duo sighed again and shook his head. Wife…they were married…newlyweds, in fact. Duo looked at the pavement and kicked a pebble aside. How had she managed that? 

He was interrupted from the usual considering of his plight by a troop of storming feet. He swiftly turned to the increasingly loud noise. In the distance, he spied a group of young men jogging in unison. The men were dressed in varying sportswear. Some had headbands and walkmans, gym shorts, tanks… They were on Duo's side of the sidewalk and fast approaching. Duo backed out of their path as they trooped past him in a swarm of sweaty, fit bodies with youthful glowing faces. He was overtaken by the scent of near spent male bodies as he was almost pressed against the white picket fence. Geez, how many of these guys were there? The line of jogging men seemed endless. Duo snorted. He wasn't going to just wait for this troop of sports fanatics to storm past. He was only 10 feet from his car, which was parked in the driveway. He turned to edge his way along the fence. All he had to do was ease past— 

A male body slammed into Duo from behind. "Watch it!" griped the owner of the hard body. 

Duo tensed at the pissy tone the man's voice took, but he managed to say, "Geez, I'm sorry--" He turned around to face a man of equal height. But that was where their similarities ended. Duo took a step back against the picket fence. The storm of men had passed and he was only left this seriously aggravated one. 

The man stared back at him with dark, penetrating eyes. He was heaving from the exertion of running. His cheeks were red and streams of sweat wet his frame. A particularly well-built chest was barely sheathed by a navy tank and the man wore an embarrassingly short pair of white gym shorts. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before fixing Duo with a rather intense stare. "You're new here," he asked without the neighborly intonation that should been instinctive. 

"Yes…" Duo answered. Unconsciously his hand moved over the bulge in his pocket, his car keys. 

The man snorted before sticking out a hand. "I'm Chang Wufei. Welcome to Greenwood." 

After a moment of hesitation, Duo took the hand and shook it. "I'm Duo Maxwell. I just moved in yesterday." 

Wufei's hand briefly tightened its grip around Duo's hand. "You're married?" 

Duo followed the direction of Wufei's gaze: his free hand. The gaze took in the rather shiny gold band on his left ring finger. 

Duo supplied the confirmation. "Yes, married as of two weeks yesterday. We just came back from our honeymoon in Honolulu." 

"Hawaii. That's appropriate. A lot of things are legal there." Wufei released Duo's hand. 

Duo eyed him carefully. The other man was smirking at him…well, if one could consider that rather vulgar twist of lips smirking… 

"What a shame," Wufei murmured without a change in expression. 

"What's a shame?" Duo took a step back. Wufei was eyeing him in a particularly assessing way. 

The Asian man tilted his head to the side. "It's nothing." He made a gesture to Duo's yellow house. "It's good to have new neighbors. You'll probably have a flood of visitors later this afternoon since most of the neighborhood has just seen you." 

Duo couldn't help but appear confused. "Most of the neighborhood? Those guys…they all live here?" 

There came a nod from Wufei. "In fact, that's pretty much everyone." 

"…There aren't any women?" 

"Oh, there are those that qualify as women…" 

"What--" 

"Well, I'm running behind." Wufei darted a glance at his sports watch. "I'll drop by later. That way, I can pretend to be sociable by badmouthing our neighbors." He jogged off before Duo could make a comment. 

"…" Duo looked away from Wufei's rather pert, barely-covered rear. "…" Jesus, what kind of neighborhood was this? No women…scads of jogging males… Duo reached into his pocket for his car keys and pressed a button to shut the car alarm off. There was a bizarre trio of bleeps that confirmed the successful disarming of the car. Duo held the keys and peered around at the neighborhood. He shook his head and then headed for the car. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

"Honey, did you remember to pick up a head of lettuce?" 

Duo barely managed a look at his wife. He held three paper shopping bags full of groceries pressed to his chest. His chin kept the top of the center bag against his chest; his chin was the only thing preventing the center bag from sliding out of his hold. Duo made a face and muttered, "Relena…" 

"Oh, silly me," she laughed before moving towards him in succession of short prances. She yanked the center bag from under his chin…consequently causing the other two to fall from his grasp. The bags hit the floor, one with the sound of breaking glass the other with a wet smack. Duo closed his eyes and sighed. 

Relena blinked back at him while clutching the shopping bag she'd wrested from under his chin. 

Duo brought a hand to his head and rubbed his temple. He murmured, "I'm assuming you just broke the bottle of olive oil and smashed the eggs…" 

"…" Relena continued to stare at the muddle at her feet. 

"Perhaps, you should grab something to help me clean up this mess." 

"Yes…I should," murmured Relena as she backed away and headed for the kitchen. 

Duo dropped to his knees and began removing the intact but now contaminated items from the bags. Somehow, he managed not to cut himself on the broken glass. He sighed. Whether or not he bought lettuce seemed unimportant. No olive oil meant they couldn't make salad dressing. A towel suddenly appeared in Duo's line of vision. He looked up at the hand that presented it, a smooth looking hand, a hand that hadn't seen a day of housework. He took the towel from Relena and began swabbing at the sodden mass of brown paper, oil, and eggs. He'd successfully separated the glass and eggshells in the time Relena had taken to fetch a towel. 

"Duo, I'm really sorry…" 

He didn't bother looking up. "Yeah, I know…it's ok. It's not as big a mess as yesterday's…" 

"Duo…" 

Duo stopped his swabbing to look up at Relena. "Yes?" 

"Brother said he was planning to stop by sometime in the afternoon." 

Duo made a sound that was on the lines of a scoff before letting the towel fall from his grasp. "Jesus, we just moved in yesterday. What does he want now?" 

"Duo…really. He's just checking up on us." 

There came a snort from Duo. "So, that's what he's calling it. We're still unpacking. I don't want to have to listen to him mouthing off about the state of the house, or my job, or about the kind of life I'm providing for you…" 

"Duo…" 

Duo fixed Relena with a stern look. "I've put up with him for _years_. OK? _We're_ married. I didn't take vows to get henpecked by _him_." 

Relena sighed before smiling. "You're getting worked up over nothing." She bent down to place a kiss on the top of his head. "Brother means well. You two just need to get to know each other better." 

Duo snorted. "Yeah…six years just isn't enough…" There was another noise of disgust from him before he turned back to the mess on the floor. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

A rather confused Duo opened the door to his house. It was the fifth time the bell had rung in the last 20 minutes. The door opened to reveal two sleekly dressed males. One carried some kind of baked good while the other one held a jell-o mold. Upon seeing Duo, the two stretched out the gifts in offering before saying in a cheery lilt, "Welcome to Greenwood!" 

"…" Duo blinked back at them before taking the rather unstable looking jell-o mold in hand. It wobbled perilously as he took a step backwards to allow the neighborly pair into the house. "Thanks…for the mold…and the…the…" Duo stared at the brown cylinder-like thing in one of the guys' hands. 

The man who held the curious looking gift chuckled at Duo's befuddled expression before saying, "It's an almond loaf. It's from a recipe I've been playing around with. This seemed like the perfect occasion to try it out." 

Duo glanced down at the "experimental" loaf. 

The man who'd handed Duo the jello-mold snorted before saying, "Ivan thinks he's going to be the next Wolfgang Puck. He'll try anything." 

Ivan appeared a bit miffed. "Well, James, you can't exactly call boiling water and pouring it over a sugary mass of powder cooking, can you?" 

James faced Ivan. "Hey, a lot effort went into that jell-o mold--" 

Duo laughed nervously. "Hey, guys, why don't you step into the living room and join everyone else?" 

Both men looked at Duo before following his suggestion. 

"We're still unpacking so there are boxes everywhere," murmured Duo as he led them to the living room. 

The sound of conversing male voices nearly drowned out Duo's comment. He barely glanced at the room full of men before placing the jell-o mold on a table that was already brimming with food supplied by his neighbors. James and Ivan walked past him and joined the crush of jabbering men. Duo shook his head as he took in the smorgasbord before him. He'd wasted his time going to the grocery store. He and Relena now had enough food to last them a week. 

The doorbell rang again. A disgusted sigh slipped past Duo's lips as he went to the door…again. What was this? The sixth, no, seventh time? 

With his annoyance showing, Duo tramped to the door. He didn't even bother looking through the peephole. He yanked the door open and planned to greet his next neighbor with as irked an expression as he could muster. Maybe that would stop this never-ending train of men from arriving at his abode. The irked expression didn't quite manage to sit on Duo's face as he realized who was on his doorstep. Duo's face went blank. It was that guy who ran into him earlier…what was his name? 

"I'm Wufei," supplied the Asian man. "That vapid expression on your face tells me you've forgotten." Without waiting for an invitation, Wufei walked past Duo and into the other man's house. 

Duo shook his head and left his front door open while following Wufei into the living room. He hoped his other neighbors just would just take the hint and walk into the house so he could stop playing doorman. 

"What do you think of your neighbors so far," asked Wufei as he faced Duo. 

Duo frowned. He could barely hear Wufei over the hodgepodge of chattering male voices. "I assume there's a particular answer you want to hear." 

"Not in the least. You're a newbie. It would be interesting to hear your take on Greenwood." 

Duo shrugged. "I just got here. There's not much I can say." Duo paused for a moment. "The town has a nice grocery store…" 

Wufei crossed his arms over his chest. "So, you do the shopping. What does your spouse do?" 

Duo squinted at him. Why was Wufei smirking at him? "What's so funny?" 

"It's rare to meet a fully domesticated couple in Greenwood. I just find it fascinating…" 

Duo tried not to let his irritation show. "And?" 

"Laughable." 

"…" 

"Don't take offense. It's good that you're unique. I get bored easily." 

Duo could only stare at Wufei. Who was this guy and what was his problem? Duo eyed Wufei suspiciously. He watched as the Chinese man's face suddenly changed expression. A most rapt expression marked him. With a great amount of relief, Duo realized that Wufei wasn't looking back at him but was staring somewhere behind him. Before Duo could follow Wufei's gaze, he heard the Chinese man murmur in a warm, awe-stricken tone, "Who is that in the doorway?" 

Duo turned around and made a face at the tall blond man who'd just entered the room. He turned back to Wufei and with the same expression of disgust and said, "That's Milliardo," Duo made another face, "my brother-in-law." 

Wufei's mouth hung open. "Your…_brother_-in-law…Gods, what does your spouse look like?" Wufei's mouth continued to hang open as his eyes chased Milliardo's form. 

Duo snorted. "They look nothing alike. Thank God." 

Wufei's curiosity was peaked by the offhand comment. His gaze finally returned to Duo. His voice was low as he said, "So, when do I get to meet your spouse who looks nothing like your brother-in-law?" 

"…" 

At that moment, right on cue, Relena walked into the room. Duo gestured for her to come over. After noticing the come-hither hand motion, she strolled over to join him. 

Duo sighed before making a motion to introduce. "Wufei, this is my wife, Relena. Relena, this is Wufei. He's one of our neighbors." 

Wufei turned purple as Relena smiled and took his hand. He couldn't hide his surprise as he choked out, "Your _wife_?" 

"Nice to meet you, Wufei. You'll have to excuse me. I was about to show Milliardo our patio." 

"…" Wufei took his hand back and watched her go. He managed to close his mouth, but then he opened it to ask, "You moved to Greenwood with _her_? You're married to… _her_?" 

Duo narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, do you have a problem with that?" His tone was threatening. 

Wufei regained his composure. "No…not particularly. It's just rather unusual…" 

"Unusual? You're not making any sense…" 

"Perhaps, 'unexpected' is a better word for it…" Wufei fixed Duo with a questioning gaze. "What made you come to Greenwood, of all places?" 

"Well, Relena and I were having a hell of a time finding a house on my salary. So I asked Relena's friend Dorothy to help us out. Her family works in real estate and she ended up calling in a few favors for us." Duo raised an arm and gestured to the house. "And here's the result." 

"…" Wufei swallowed. "So you're saying that you knew nothing about Greenwood before coming here…" 

Duo shrugged. "Basically." 

"You're saying that this woman picked out this neighborhood and this house and you just went along with her choice?" 

"Well, yes. The price fell within our bracket and she sent us pictures to help us with the decision… The funny thing is…we were pleasantly surprised when we arrived yesterday. The pictures just don't do this place justice---" 

Wufei cleared his throat. "I suppose I'm going to have to be the one to tell you this. Greenwood is a very unique suburb." 

"Yeah, you got that right. I've never seen a friendlier neighborhood." Duo's comment was said in both a slightly amazed and unnerved tone. The mass of male voices had been a backdrop to his entire conversation with Wufei. 

"I meant 'unique' in another way, entirely. Greenwood is an experiment." 

"Experiment?" 

"Yes." Wufei's gaze was unwavering as he said, "Greenwood is the first all homosexual suburb." 

".." 

Wufei snorted. "At least, it was anyway. We've got two nonconformists in our midst." 

Stunned, Duo could only choke out, "Nonconformists?" 

There was a twist of Wufei's lips. "Yes, you and your wife." 

  


  



	2. Part 2

The Improbable Part 2  
By Tralla 

  
** Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made. **

Immediately, Duo left Wufei's side. The Asian man's words echoed through his mind as he took the flight of stairs in the form of an uphill sprint: _Greenwood is the first all homosexual suburb._ Duo grimaced as his foot hit the top of the landing. He quickly pivoted on his heel to take a right. His destination was set: his bedroom, the location of the com unit. His hand shot out to push the bedroom door open and he stalked over to the bed to take a seat. He yanked Relena's night table over and positioned it between his legs. The com unit, one of their wedding gifts (the latest model in real time communication), sat on top the night table as a monitor, dialing board, cradle, and receiver. Duo flipped on the monitor and reached for the receiver. He brought it to his ear with one hand. His other hand moved across the dialing board with amazing speed as his fingers dialed the numbers frantically. 

He barely heard the numbers as they dialed, but he was aware of a click as the person on the other side of the line picked up. The monitor came alive as it filled with the image of the recipient of Duo's impromptu call. 

A blond woman, with large azure eyes and forked eyebrows appeared on screen. 

"Dorothy," Duo near growled. 

She looked back at him and smiled in a vivacious display of white teeth and shimmering pink lips. "Duo, it's nice to hear from you. How was Honolulu?" 

"Forget Honolulu. I want to talk about Greenwood." 

Dorothy's gaze left Duo as she fingered something on her desk. "Settled in already?" 

"No…not settled in…definitely not settled in." 

She looked back at him through the screen and cocked her head to the side. Her tone was all innocence and no concern. "Is there something wrong?" 

"Dorothy, you know exactly what's wrong. Why didn't you tell me that Relena and I were about to move into a gay pride commune!" 

Dorothy jerked back in her seat at the sudden outburst. She brought a finger up to the side of her mouth and managed a look of moral consternation. "Don't tell me you're a homophobe, Duo?" 

Duo's face burned bright red. ".." 

Dorothy leaned forward in her chair. "You know? Homophobe: a person who expresses aversion to homosexual people, their culture, or their lifestyle--" 

Between clenched teeth, Duo hissed, "I'm well aware of what a homophobe is and I'm not one." 

The look of moral consternation left Dorothy's face and her expression brightened. Her forked eyebrows lifted in delight. "Then there isn't a problem." 

"But--" 

Dorothy idly rifled through some papers on her desk. "Greenwood has the lowest crime rate in this hemisphere. The suburb is absolutely immaculate. The city is only a 5 mile drive away. The houses are all two family abodes, with front lawns, driveways and backyards. What more could you ask for?" 

Duo frowned. Oh there was a lot he could ask for…like male friends he could buy carburetors with, male friends who could understand what it was like to have a clingy wife, male friends who could share his taste in porn... Once again, Duo's face reddened. He couldn't exactly tell Dorothy that, now could he? He managed to say, "I don't want to live in an experiment. That's what I was told this place was." 

Dorothy leaned especially close to the screen and hissed, "Nonsense! Now call me when you have a *real* complaint. I can't believe you. I didn't even take a commission on this deal and you call me to…" 

Duo nodded his head as Dorothy enumerated the reasons why he was scum for not seeing Greenwood for the paradise it was. 

"And another thing, you didn't even thank me. A fruit basket, that's what I expected, at the very least. But no, you and Relena fly off to Honolulu without…" 

Duo sighed and nodded as he brought a hand to his temple. "Yes, Dorothy, Relena and I are *both *scum and we don't deserve to lick the dirt off your boots…and yes, I wouldn't know a good friend if he…I mean, if *she* were dropped into my lap and yes…and yes…" 

* * *

Duo lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He was hiding out; he admitted it. His eyes moved from the ceiling to the alarm clock on top of a cardboard box. It was 10:45 p.m., 3 hours since the troupe of men had started coming to his door and 2 ½ hours since his call to Dorothy. Duo sat up in his bed. He assumed enough time had passed for all his neighborly male compatriots to lose interest in his abode and slink back to their own pads. Duo stood and stretched. Yeah, he was being inhospitable. But, as far as he was concerned, he had a right to. It was his house and he hadn't invited those people over to begin with. Duo made a face as he moved to the door and opened it. He perched himself at the top of the staircase and listened for the familiar sound of chattering male voices. His ears received nothing of the sort and he sighed with relief. He allowed himself a smirk. Now, it was time to eat the food that his sexually deviant neighbors had brought. 

Duo descended the stairs but he paused at the last step. He was greeted with the sound of laughter, hearty and drawn out. Duo raised an eyebrow as he carefully inched his way to the living room. He peered in and was mildly surprised to see that the living was devoid of people except for an unexpected trio: his wife, her brother, and…and…Duo swallowed…and that guy, Wufei. 

Duo watched as the Asian man clapped a hand on Relena's bare knee. Duo's nostrils flared. He knew very well that Wufei was gay, but that simple, and albeit innocent gesture riled him enough to spur him to make his presence known. 

The trio was still laughing as Duo entered the living room. Wufei's hand moved from Relena's knee to his own. 

Relena smiled up at Duo. "Honey, where have you been?" 

"Upstairs," murmured Duo as he moved over to the table and began to poke at a presently liquefying jell-o mold. His eyes moved over the smorgasbord before him. "This stuff is going to spoil if we don't put it in the fridge." 

Relena stood up from her seat beside Wufei. "I'll take care of it. Brother, give me a hand with everything before you leave." 

From his position across from Wufei, Milliardo nodded his agreement. He reached out a hand to Wufei and the Chinese man took it and shook it. "It was nice speaking with you, Wufei. I never would have dreamt that there would be anyone who shared my passion for dueling, especially so intensely. We should have a match one day." Milliardo took his hand back and rose from his seat. His long blonde hair rippled behind him as he walked away. 

"Anytime. Just ring me." Wufei managed a non-predatory smile. His eyes followed Milliardo as he aided his sister in clearing the table. 

When Milliardo and Relena had left the room, Duo fixed his gaze on Wufei. "What are you still doing here?" 

Wufei looked up at Duo from his seated position. "Did you really think I'd leave without introducing myself to tall, blonde, and virile?" 

At that moment, Millardo returned to the living room to carry more victuals from the food laden table. 

When Milliardo was safely out of earshot, Duo asked, "Did you tell them?" 

"Tell them what?" 

Duo threw his hands up. "For the love of God…about this place being…being…being…" Duo clamped his mouth shut. 

An amused expression marked Wufei. "I'm amazed. You can't even say it…You're asking me if I told them Greenwood is a," Wufei paused for dramatic effect, "gay wonderland?" Wufei smirked. "No, I'll leave that to you." Wufei rose from his seat and walked past Duo. Wufei suddenly halted mid step. He murmured without turning around, "By any chance, would you feel up to a jog tomorrow? It would be a good opportunity to show your neighbors that you aren't a complete bastard. You _did_ leave your own housewarming party without the least warning." 

"…" 

"And besides, considering you're the odd man out in this neighborhood, I think it would be in your best interest to make as many friends as possible." 

"…" 

"See you at 7 a.m., neighbor." With a low chuckle, Wufei left Duo standing in the living room. 

* * *

As Duo risked a peek, he winced as the sunlight caught him right in the eye. God, what time was it and what the hell was that noise? It sounded like chiming. Duo groaned and slung an arm over his eyes. The chiming continued. With a growl, he realized what it could be: the doorbell. He removed his arm from over his eyes and shot a quick glance at his alarm clock. In glowing lime green, the time was displayed: 6:55—Duo frowned—6:55 a.m. Duo turned his head to the other side to peer at his sleeping wife. He really didn't feel like getting up. He pondered his situation for a moment before delivering one quick poke to Relena's side. She groaned in her sleep and rolled away from him and his offensive finger. Duo frowned. So much for trying to wake up Relena. 

He pushed the sheets aside and allowed his feet to come in contact with the carpet. He idly scratched his side as he made his way out of the room and into the hallway. His hair swished back and forth over his bare back and shoulders as he jogged down the stairs. The undone tendrils were Relena's doing. She had a habit of holding onto the end of his long braid as she slept. And, most of time before the morning, sometime during the night, probably in her sleep, she'd cause the band that kept the braid intact to either slide off or snap from its hold. Duo supposed it didn't really matter how it happened. The result was the name: loose hair. The only time it really it irked him was when he woke up entangled in his own hair, or when Relena managed to sleep _on_ his hair. _That_ he couldn't stand. 

Barefoot, Duo padded down the stairs. There came another chime from the doorbell. "Damn it, I'm coming. Keep your pants on." 

Duo undid the locks on the door, grasped the doorknob in hand, and yanked the door open. The sight that greeted him caused him to stumble a step backwards. About 25-30 men were standing on his front lawn. They were all decked out in varying sports gear. Some carried water bottles and walkmen in addition to wearing tanks, shorts, and headbands. And, in the front of the intimidating group of sports fanatics stood Wufei. The Asian man was on Duo's doorstep and wearing a white tank and rather short navy blue gyms shorts. The shorts rode high on his muscled thighs. But Duo wasn't the only man wearing a look of surprise. His neighbors eyed him with similar astonishment. But it was astonishment tempered with appreciation. 

They watched him as he stood flabbergasted. He was bare-chested and only wore a long loose pair of gray pajama bottoms. His hair was undone and wavy. The sun poured onto him in such away as to give his hair golden highlights and his chest a healthy bronze glow. Perfectly sculpted pecks greeted the group of men as well as a lean washboard stomach. Wide, soulful, amethyst eyes glanced back them as damp, supple lips parted in surprise. A light warm gust moved over the suburb, causing Duo's hair to hover and float behind him as a luscious chestnut backdrop. 

The moment was broken as Duo blinked back at the gathering of men on his lawn and sputtered, "W-what are you guys doing here?" 

Wufei was the first to answer. "I told you 7 a.m. We're all ready for the jog." 

"Jog?" 

"Yes, the one I mentioned last night." 

Duo brought a hand to his forehead. He'd completely forgotten…well, it wasn't like he'd looked forward to it to begin with. 

Wufei's eyes moved over Duo's half-dressed form. "Let me guess. You're not coming." 

Without looking at the Chinese man, Duo murmured, "Bingo." 

"Ok, fine. It's your loss." Wufei moved away from the doorstep. "Just remember, that figure won't maintain itself." 

Duo's hand left his forehead. "What are you saying?" 

Wufei glanced at him from over his shoulder. "I'm saying that I'm seeing the signs of a spare tire on you. It isn't there yet…but I give it two weeks before Mrs. Maxwell has something to grab onto while she's riding you." 

Duo's face brightened to an almost inconceivable shade of red. His mouth hung open. "…" There came some scattered snickering from the male dappled lawn. Duo clamped his mouth shut. His lips were pressed together in a severe line before he opened his mouth again to say, "Fine, just give me 10 minutes to grab some clothes and braid my hair." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

"Do you do this _everyday,_?" huffed Duo from his position beside Wufei. He could barely keep up with the Chinese man and he was well aware that Wufei had slackened his pace as to not leave him in the dust. At least, that was what the Chinese man had informed him not two minutes earlier. 

A group of five men charged past them. 

Not in the least out of breath, Wufei replied, "Not, everyday, but I fit it in as often as I can." 

Blearily, Duo watched the group of five men speed away. "Jesus, I can't keep this up. We have to break…" Duo gasped as he grabbed his pained side. He was about to come to a full halt when Wufei grabbed onto his arm and forced him to keep moving. 

"Stop suddenly and the blood with pool in your legs and you'll cramp. Then you won't be able to walk home to your nice bed and your lovely wife." 

Duo could hear the smirk in Wufei's voice. But, even so he couldn't quite manage a frown. He was too winded to control his facial muscles. 

Wufei slowed his pace even more but still kept his hand on Duo's arm to keep the braided man from quitting. "With your build and those muscles, how do stay in shape if you do nothing?" 

Duo managed a side glance. Wufei was wrong; he was cramping up even while moving. "I didn't say I was lazy. I work out a little but I don't run." Duo paused for a moment to wheeze, "Don't ever make me do this again." 

There came a light scoff from Wufei. "The gods mock me." His hand was slick on Duo's arm. "I have another Trowa on my hands…" 

Duo managed another look at Wufei as he tried to tug his arm free of Wufei's grip. "Who's Trowa?" 

Wufei didn't allow Duo's arm to slip from his grasp. "Trowa is a neighbor of yours you haven't met. He's shiftless. He doesn't work out and I can't get the bum to jog. _Yet_, he maintains a perfect build. I can't stand him for it." Wufei continued to rant as his hand squeezed Duo's arm. "At least I can get Heero away from his playstation long enough to--" 

"Who's Heero?" 

Wufei blinked back at him before turning away to squint in the distance. He snorted in recognition before he suddenly began to tug Duo along. "I'll show you. He's two blocks ahead of us. We'll make a sprint for it." 

Weakly, Duo wheezed, "Sprint?" 

Wufei glanced at him. "We'll sprint the two blocks, cool down, and then you can slink back to your house. How does that sound?" 

"Sounds like I have no choice." 

Wufei snorted. "Ready?" 

"…" 

Before Duo could utter another sarcastic protest, Wufei took off with his arm in tow. Duo couldn't even feel his feet touch the ground as he was yanked along; he'd lost sensation in them five minutes earlier, but his legs were one sore, cramping mass and his lungs burned with exhaustion. There came a yelp from Duo as Wufei maneuvered them through a flock of jogging, sweaty men. It was like they were running though a sea of hot, humid air, and mobile, built bodies. 

"We're almost there. Slow down." 

Duo made a face. Why was Wufei even instructing him to slow down? He was the one being tugged along. 

But, Wufei did slacken his pace and the two of them found themselves between two men, one blonde and flushed face and one brunette with equally flushed features. 

Both men turned to Wufei and grunted a cordial hello and then their eyes moved to Duo and Wufei explained, "This is Duo Maxwell. He moved in two days ago." 

The blonde man's face brightened in recognition. "*Oh,* he's the one the email mentioned." 

Duo couldn't mask his surprise. "Email??" 

Wufei ignored the question and looked to the two men. "Aren't you forgetting something?" 

The blond man was the first to realize his folly. He laughed, "I'm Quatre Winner. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Maxwell. I'd shake your hand, but it's difficult to manage while jogging." 

Duo was about to huff a reply, but he couldn't manage it. His face was beet red with exertion. 

The brunette spoke up. "It looks like he's going to burst. We should slow down." 

"Good point, Heero," remarked Quatre as he slackened his pace. 

Wufei and Heero followed suit and so did Duo, with obvious gratitude. 

Duo managed a look at the brunette. So this was the Heero Wufei had mentioned. 

Quatre continued to lead the group. He guided them off to the side and away from the troop of joggers. He stopped advancing and continued to slowly jog in place as he faced them. Wufei and Heero began to jog in place as well. But all Duo could manage was a groan as he sank to his knees on the sidewalk. 

"He doesn't jog often, now does he," asked Quatre as he looked down at the currently sedentary, panting Duo. 

"No, he's as inactive as Trowa," remarked Wufei with more distaste than was necessary. 

Heero stopped jogging in place and began to stretch. As he did, he said to Duo, "Stretch or we'll end up having to carry you back." 

Quatre laughed as Duo gave Heero a sour look before giving in to the suggestion. Quatre stopped jogging in place and so did Wufei. They also began to stretch. "What do you have planned for tonight," Quatre asked Wufei while shaking out his legs. 

"Me? Nothing in particular." 

"How about you, Heero," asked Quatre. 

Heero grunted in the negative as he proceeded to stretch his calves. 

"What about you, Mr. Maxwell?" 

Still catching his breath, Duo managed, "Calling me Duo is fine…and I just have unpacking to do." Duo looked up at the three men peering intently back at him. He added, "Lots of unpacking…an inconceivable amount…" 

"Oh, that can wait." Quatre turned to Wufei. "Should we do the usual?" 

"You mean give him the treatment?" 

Quatre nodded enthusiastically. 

"'The treatment'?" asked a very apprehensive Duo. 

Heero responded, "My house is off limits. I just got a shipment of Sony prototypes." 

Duo looked even more confused. 

Quatre explained, "Heero is a game reviewer. Most of the products he receives won't be on the market for months. Because of that, no one can see what he gets." Quatre sighed and looked back at Wufei. "How about Trowa's? He's always well stocked and I'm sure he isn't doing anything tonight." 

The Chinese man nodded. "That's a given." 

Quatre wiped his damp brow with the back of his hand. "Great, sounds like a plan. Everyone will meet at Trowa's at 9 p.m." 

Finally, Duo managed to climb to his feet. "What are you guys talking about?" 

Wufei turned to Duo and said in a curiously warm tone, "Just an initiation ceremony for Greenwood's newest resident." 

"Initiation?" Duo paled. 

Wufei continued to eye him. "Yes, it's a tradition. We'll all get drunk and swap coming-out stories." 

Duo sputtered, "B-But I'm _straight_." 

Wufei's low chuckle sent a chill through Duo. "Don't worry. We'll come up with something to make up for the inconvenience." 

  
Part 3 


	3. Part 3

The Improbable part 3   
By Tralla

  


** Thanks for the R&R on the first parts!!! (heh, I remembered the dislaimer this time!) **

  
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made. 

  


Duo twitched in his seat. His eyes moved to the grandfather clock. In roman numerals, his fate was spelled out. Hour hand…VIII. Minute hand…two degrees past X. Duo's hand clutched the napkin that rested on his lap. It was 8:52 p.m. Eight miniscule minutes before he was supposed to kick back a few alcoholic beverages in the company of happy, athletically fit men. Duo grimaced. He wished those were the only descriptions those guys warranted. 

"Duo, you've been fidgeting for the last hour. What's wrong with you?" 

Duo peered back at his wife. Relena sat across from him at the dining room table. They'd just finished a late supper, a supper that Duo had cooked. He murmured, "Caffeine withdrawal." 

Relena seemed satisfied. She picked at the rest of her meal. 

Duo shook his head. His wife was totally oblivious. He didn't even drink coffee. He hadn't touched the stuff in over a year. Duo frowned. Yeah, she was definitely oblivious. She didn't know about the irony of living in Greenwood. She was probably the only woman for a five mile radius. 

Relena rose from the table and began clearing the dishes. Duo sighed. It was the least she could do since she hadn't lifted a finger all day. Thanks to Milliardo--Duo made a face at the wimpy sounding name-- who'd whisked Relena away at noon, he'd been left to undertake the majority of the unpacking and cleaning. Duo allowed himself a snort. But Relena *did* come home in time to eat the dinner he cooked. He watched Relena disappear around the corner. She was on her way to the kitchen. 

Duo picked up his napkin from his lap and placed it on the table. He was being too hard on Relena. If he wanted to blame someone for the back breaking hours he'd spent moving furniture and unpacking boxes, he could blame her snob brother. 

At that moment the phone rang, startling Duo out of his latest why-he-hated-Milliardo rant. By the second ring, Duo realized he had more important matters to consider: for instance, how to get himself out of his 9:00 p.m. initiation ceremony. Duo made a face. Wufei had said they'd come up with something for him to do since he couldn't take part in the coming-out stories. Duo made another face, but this one was twisted with an interesting mix of fear and disgust. What were they going to do? Dip him in honey and have him run naked in the streets? 

Duo heard Relena moving towards the ringing phone. Before she reached it, he managed to hiss, "I'm not here!!" 

He heard her pick up the line. He prayed she'd heard him in time. Relena suddenly appeared in the dining room with the phone in hand. 

Duo was about to swear under his breath when Relena suddenly smiled at him. 

He heard her say, "Maxwell residence." There was a pause as she listened to the person on the line. "No, I'm sorry. He's not in right now. This is his wife speaking. Can I take a message?" 

Relieved, Duo fell back in his chair. Well, that was until the doorbell rang. He looked back at Relena. The person on the line was still speaking to her. She paused for a moment to mouth to Duo, "I'm expecting Milliardo." 

Duo rolled his eyes before leaving his seat to answer the door. What the hell was Milliardo doing back again so soon? The doorbell rang once more before Duo reached the door. In his usual, careless fashion he yanked the door open without taking a look through the peephole. 

As the door swung open, he realized it would have been in his best interest to look first. A man with ear length blond hair and long sloping bangs greeted Duo. He wore khakis and a lavender shirt. 

The corner of Duo's mouth twisted. He recognized the man as Quatre. He was about to close the door when the blond began to speak. 

"I was sent to pick you up." 

Duo blinked back at him. His hand was still on the doorknob. 

The blonde continued, "We realized about 15 minutes ago that you wouldn't know where Trowa's house is." 

Duo was about to explain that the location of Trowa's house didn't matter since he wasn't going. But, the sight of another man caused him to pause mid evasion. 

That brunette he'd met earlier had suddenly appeared behind Quatre. Duo recalled his name. It was Heero. And, Heero was carrying a phone. 

Heero spoke into his cell phone. "So, you're husband stepped out to the store…" Heero's eyes met with Duo's. "Mrs. Maxwell, could you tell me when you expect him back?" 

Duo's throat went dry. 

Heero continued to eye him. "Oh, you're not sure. That's fine. We'll find another way of contacting him." 

Duo looked away from Heero as the blonde explained, "Wufei thought you'd try to back out of tonight." 

Duo watched as Heero pocketed the cell phone. Duo couldn't hide his irritation as he said, "So he sent two lackeys to convince me otherwise: one to guard my phone line and the other to wait on my doorstep. So, where is this all-knowing Wufei?" 

Apologetically, Quatre managed a half-smile before murmuring, "Waiting in your backyard in case you tried to escape through there…" 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

After a 3 minute walk, they'd made it to Trowa's house, a stucco cream duplex. They walked onto his doorstep and instead of ringing the man's doorbell, Wufei reached into his pocket to pull out a set of keys. Briefly, he searched through them before finding the one he needed. 

Before Wufei could slip the key into the lock a surprised Duo asked, "You have a key to his house?" 

Without looking at Duo, Wufei replied, "I have keys to lots of houses." With that said, Wufei slipped the key into the lock and turned it. The door gave way and the quartet entered the abode. Duo glanced around at an immaculate house with wood paneling, cream furniture and spacious rooms. Heero, Wufei, and Quatre walked through the house as if they'd owned it themselves. With barely a glance at their surroundings, they easily made their way through Trowa's house and took Duo to the lower level. Without knocking, Wufei pushed a door open and Duo was taken to what seemed like the den. And, inside the den sat a rather sedate looking individual who had a wild shock of brown, gravity-defying hair. Immediately, Duo felt an urge to snicker as his eyes took in the ridiculous looking hair. But, he bit his tongue, because the man on the couch seemed to be peering at him intently. 

Then the man suddenly spoke. His emerald eyes moved from Duo to the rest of the crew. "My sister's visiting. Step in and close the door before I'm forced to go through introductions." 

Heero and Quatre stepped in and plopped themselves down on separate couches. Duo scratched his head before moving forward. His eyes narrowed. Aww crap, there were three couches in the room and each one had a gay man as an ornament. Where was he supposed to sit? With Heero? Duo gaze moved to the peculiar, steely-eyed brunette. With inaudible snort, Duo realized that Heero had dark circles under his eyes; probably from too many hours of sitting in front of a television screen with a game controller in his hands. Duo looked away from Heero. Intense video gamers creeped him out. Was he supposed to sit with Quatre? Duo looked at the rather friendly blond and sighed. He had a feeling the blond was the type who small talked people to death. Duo grimaced. Was his only choice the dude with the weird hair? He assumed so. Duo planted himself as far as he could from the guy. But, as Duo's ass came in contact with the soft cushions, the man turned to face him. "I know your name. Do you know mine," asked the man with a dead tone and a searching gaze. 

Duo swallowed. "You're Trowa." 

"Good. He's not as simple as he looks," murmured Trowa. 

Before Duo could come up with a snappy retort, there came a snort from the doorway. All eyes moved to Wufei. 

Trowa spoke again, but this time his voice had the tiniest hint of inflection as he addressed Wufei. "You're just going to stand there so she comes in here." 

Wufei nodded. "I enjoy your sister. She puts you in your place." There was a pause before Wufei continued, "Where you belong." 

Duo looked from Trowa to Wufei. He'd thought this initiation thing was going to be one happy-go-lucky event, at least for his neighbors…he supposed he'd guessed wrong. Trowa and Wufei were glaring at each other with such an intensity that Duo began to think that if something didn't happen soon to cut the tension, the two would be at each others throats, literally. It was just everyone's luck that something actually did. 

"Triton!" yelled an unmistakably female voice. The voice grew louder and clearer as it approached. "Triton!" A woman with bouncy reddish brown hair appeared behind Wufei. With a definite malevolent and pleased smirk, Wufei stepped out of the doorway in order to allow the woman into the room. 

The woman's bright blue eyes fixed on Trowa. Her smile was dazzling with delight. "Triton, there you are." 

Duo looked confused. Who the hell was Triton? 

"Nice seeing you again, Cathy," said Wufei from his position beside the doorway. 

The woman whipped around. "Nice to see you too, Wufei. But I'm in a terrible hurry. I can't stay and chat." 

Wufei looked indifferent. 

Cathy turned back to Trowa. "There's been an emergency at work. I've got to run. See you in a couple of days, ok?" After saying all that in one breath, she lunged forward, treated Trowa to a quick peck and a swift bear hug, ruffled Trowa's hair and sped away from the room. 

Trowa's face was bright red as his hair continued to point in every direction. Wufei snickered from his standing position, "Little Triton doesn't like it when his big sister shows him affection in public." 

Duo actually turned to Trowa. He'd take advantage of the other man's embarrassment and get back at him for his earlier smart ass remark. "I guess I *didn't* know your name, *little* Triton." 

Trowa didn't say anything. There wasn't anything he could. Catherine's little display had stolen his thunder. He simply got up and began moving over to where a fridge, an icebox, and cabinet sat. He spoke to the four men as he walked over to his stash of liquor. "I'll give you the usual choices: something hard and fast, something pleasant and mellow, or something that'll leave you tickled and pink." 

"I'll have tickled and pink!" answered an alarmingly enthusiastic Quatre. 

"I'll make my own drink," said Heero as he suddenly rose from his seat. He moved over toward Trowa's rather impressive entertainment system. As he stood in front of the stereo, his eyes seemed to gleam. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a cd case. He placed a disk into the cd drive. 

Duo was alarmed to hear the beginning of George Michael's "Too funky." Duo shook his head. This was not happening. 

  


//Hey, you're just too funky for me   
I got to get inside (I got to get inside)   
I got to get inside of you (So when you're ready)   
I'll watch your fingers working overtime (overtime)   
I've got to thinking that they should be mine (oh!)// 

  


"I'd prefer something hard and fast," said Wufei while eying Trowa. Surprisingly, the Asian man did not attempt another at jab Trowa's self-esteem before planting himself down beside Duo. He turned to the braided man to ask, "What will you have? I suggest you get really drunk. This will all pass easier if you do." 

"What the hell do you mean by that?" 

"You seem a little tense." Wufei turned away from Duo to say to Trowa, "Give Mr. Maxwell something to mellow him out. Right now, he's so tense I'm beginning to wonder how much of him is absolutely rigid." 

That little addendum silenced a reply from Duo. He closed his mouth and watched as Quatre left his seat to take his drink from Trowa. It was in a wide goblet and had a yellow umbrella sticking out of it. The orange-yellowish liquid swirled as Quatre took the drink in hand. 

Trowa said to him, "I know how much you like umbrellas, so have another one." With that said, Trowa handed Quatre a pink umbrella before turning back to start Wufei's drink. 

The blonde almost beamed at Trowa before walking away to guzzle his drink. 

George Michael continued on in the background. 

//Hey, you're just too funky for me// 

Duo blinked. His neighbors weren't just 'queer'. They were just weird in general. 

It was an hour later. And, by that time, Quatre had three 'tickled and pinks' and one 'pleasant and mellow'. The blonde was floating on cloud nine. He sat upside down on his couch with legs over the top of the couch and with his head resting on one of the seat cushions. Wufei, on the other hand, had abstained from the "tickled and pinks." But the Chinese man's red face and all-too friendly manner was evidence of the three "hard and fasts" and two "pleasant and mellows" he'd managed to imbibe. Heero, who'd opted to make his own drinks, took in 2 glasses of a mysterious mixture before falling to the floor. He'd been propped up on the couch for the last 20 minutes. Instead of getting smelling salts to revive the unconscious man, the four other men opted to just let him rest for a while. Trowa proved himself to be more of an experimentalist. He had two "hard and fasts", one "tickled and pink", two "pleasant and mellows" and even dared a gulp of Heero's questionable concoction. Miraculously, Trowa survived the daring feat untouched. 

While his 4 neighbors had proven their penchant for binge drinking, Duo Maxwell had indulged as well, but he had a motive behind his inebriety. Heero's passing out episode reminded him of something. Duo knew what he was like when he was drunk. Yeah, the first four drinks or so would send him into a silly, playful state, but past that... Duo took another swig off his fifth "pleasant and mellow"….but past four drinks, more soporific influences kicked in. Duo was a sleepy drunk. And, he planned to be totally unconscious within the next 10 minutes as to avoid whatever sick initiation his sexually deviant neighbors could come up with. 

"Cheeeers, Fuwei," slurred a slightly bleary Duo as he clinked glasses with Wufei. Duo snickered to himself. He was going to be fast asleep in no time. He took a rather long swig and finished his drink in one go. 

Paula Abdul's "Crazy Cool" played in the background. 

  


//Sitting, chilling, thinking about you, babe.   
You're like a long cool glass of lemonade   
Bittersweet and I want you so bad it hurts   
You complete my life and you quench my thirst.// 

  


A long, irritable groan came from Heero as he finally awakened into consciousness. 

From his position beside a rather groggy Heero, Trowa said, "He's awake. I guess can we start now." 

"Ssstart…what?" asked Duo 

Wufei patted Duo's thigh. "We decided to save you from hearing our coming out stories." Wufei leered at Duo. "Instead, we'll tell you about--" 

"Ourrrr moments of tooth! I mean, truth!!" exclaimed a frighteningly cheerful Quatre from his upside down position. He kicked his legs in the air. 

Duo blinked back at the four men. 

"It's just when we realized we weren't straight," clarified Heero as he rubbed his bloodshot eyes. He groaned again as he sank back against the couch. 

Duo finally realized that Wufei's hand was on his thigh. He promptly removed it and edged further away from Wufei. 

Quatre turned a gleeful gaze to Trowa. "Trowa fye don't ya go firsstt so Duo knows why ya changed err name frrrrrrrrom Triton." 

A not nearly as far gone Trowa looked back at Quatre and said, "No more drinks for you." When the blonde appeared crestfallen, he said, "Fine, I'll go first." 

Wufei snorted. He recalled this story. But instead of commenting, he returned his attention to the drink he held in his hand. 

Paula Abdul continued singing in the background as Trowa licked his lips and leaned forward. "I was about 12 or 13 and my parents had taken Catherine and me to the circus. Nothing big, just your standard traveling circus. I was bored and the entire place smelled so I wanted to leave. But I couldn't. Once you sit down, you're trapped until intermission." Trowa paused to elbow a snoring Heero. 

Heero snorted into consciousness and wiped the drool from his chin. He seemed to still be suffering the ill effects of his concoction. 

Trowa shook his head and continued, "It was the last act before intermission and I was eager to escape. But the lighting in the tent suddenly changed and the spotlight was on a single young man. He was about 18 or 19 and he wore sinfully tight, black pants and an open white shirt with large ballooning sleeves. He had short blonde hair and it wasn't until later, when I saw the posters, that I knew he had blue eyes, a strong jaw, and perfect white teeth. Another spotlight appeared and focused on a young woman who was restrained to a large circle. She was standing spread eagled. Her wrists and ankles were pinned to the wall by metal cuffs. And then, a large drum roll began and the young man brandished a set of five, razor-sharp daggers. The crowd was silent. And, for once in the entire evening I wasn't bored of my mind. I watched as he held the knife by the tip of its blade. And then, without warning, he launched a knife at the young woman. She let out a cry and I was spellbound. The knife landed an inch from her neck. There wasn't a sound in the crowd as he continued to launch knives at his frightened assistant. And, in that moment, I never wished harder for anything. I wanted that terrified woman gone and I wanted to be in her place. I wanted to be the one pinioned to that wall with that tall, hard-bodied man ready to frighten me into submission." With a slow swig, Trowa downed more of his drink. "I suppose I grew obsessed with that man. I suffered through every show of bumbling clowns and mediocre acrobats just to watch his act. And then, one day, the circus left town and I was left with nothing. I was young and there was no way I could follow without being dragged home by the authorities, or by my parents, or by my overprotective sister. Believe me, I tried. So, in the end, miserable and frustrated, I did the only thing I could to hold onto my memory of that man. I took his name. And, it's been such a long time, but I grow excited every time someone calls me Trowa Barton." 

Trowa's expression suddenly grew angry. He looked about the room. Heero was snoring, again. Duo had passed out as well. The braided man's head had fallen to rest on the back of the couch. His mouth was wide open as he slept. Trowa's eyes narrowed. Duo looked like a goldfish. 

Wufei eyed Trowa and snorted from his position a seat cushion away from Duo. "Feeling angry, are you?" 

Trowa said nothing and went back to nursing his drink. 

"That drink isn't going to help your mood." Wufei smirked while fingering the end of Duo's braid. "But, revenge will." 

Quatre actually sat up. He propped himself up on an elbow as he peered at the Chinese man. 

Wufei's tone was a strange mix of geniality and impiety as he said, "Trowa, what do you say? Let's teach them what happens to someone who dares to fall asleep during one of our stories." Wufei lifted his near empty glass. 

From across the room, and after a thought, Trowa lifted his glass as well, in acceptance. 

  
Part 4

  



	4. Part 4

The Improbable part 4  
By Tralla 

  
** Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made. **

  
\\lyrics// 

  


Quatre's bleary gaze moved from a standing Trowa to sedentary Wufei. The Chinese man continued to finger the end of Duo's braid. Quatre blinked. He was quite sure he'd heard right. The blond scratched his head. At least, he thought he heard Trowa and Wufei say that they planned to… 

In his drunken state, the blonde managed to appear mortified. He faced Trowa and Wufei with a horrified expression. "You twooo spant do that…" Quatre frowned. That didn't come out right at all. He closed his eyes. God, he was feeling kind of woozy. His hand clutched the drink Trowa had just handed him. He opened his eyes and peered down at the half full goblet. His eyes watered over. His bleary gaze moved over to Trowa, who had a slight smirk on his face. "Tro..wa…what'd…ya give… me…" The blond promptly passed out on the couch. The goblet fell from his grasp and landed in his lap, immediately spilling the yellowish-pink mixture on his crotch. 

"It definitely wasn't another 'tickled and pink,'" noted an amused Wufei. 

Trowa snorted. He'd offered to give Quatre another 'tickled and pink' if the blonde promised not to wake Heero and Duo before he and Wufei had their fun. But, then Trowa thought about it. The likelihood of Quatre keeping his mouth shut while they played their prank was small to nonexistent. The blond was talkative when sober but suffered from diarrhea of the mouth when he had even an ounce of liquor in his system. So, Trowa decided to silence him. He'd slipped some of Heero's experimental mixture into the blonde's drink. Trowa moved away from his liquor stash and stood in front of Wufei. 

"I think Quatre's right," said Trowa while casting a glance at the unconscious blond. "Touching the braid is out of the question. Any man who grows his hair that long is either incredibly fussy, conceited, or has a weird hair fetish." 

Wufei nodded in agreement and released the end of Duo's braid. The braided man continued to doze with his mouth wide open. The only other sound in the room was Heero's spasmodic snoring. 

Wufei looked up at Trowa and crossed his legs. "What do you have in mind then?" 

Trowa turned away. His pert rear was in Wufei's direct line of vision. "Follow me and I'll show you." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Trowa led Wufei to the guest room in which Catherine stayed. The Chinese man's eyes moved from frilly, yellow curtains to an equally frilly yellow bed. 

"If you needed help decorating, this isn't the time to ask," murmured Wufei. 

Trowa shot Wufei a dark look before moving to Catherine's closet. "Cathy visits often enough that it's practical to give her her own room." 

"Right. Just admit it. This isn't her room at all. It's yours. I pegged you as a crossdresser years ago," said Wufei as he eyed a gossamer pink negligee. 

"Trying something once doesn't count," murmured Trowa as he began to search his sister's closet. "Make yourself useful and look through the dresser." 

Wufei snorted, "What am I looking for?" 

Without turning around Trowa said, "Something obviously feminine." He paused. "Something that will show up great in pictures." 

A chuckle came from Wufei. "I'm impressed." He strolled from the doorway and began opening drawers. 

The two of them spent some minutes in silence as they searched for items to dress Heero and Duo in. 

And then, suddenly Trowa's voice broke the quiet. "He's attractive," said Trowa as he referred to a certain sleeping and ill-fated braided man. "Do you want him?" 

Without looking up, Wufei continued to rifle through Catherine's panties. "Why do you care?" 

There was a pause before Trowa replied, "I don't." 

There was more silence between the two before Wufei suddenly turned around victorious. In his fingers was a white lace panty with a removable crotch. 

"This is another side of Cathy I'm afraid I haven't seen." 

Trowa turned red. "There's something disturbing about you fingering my sister's underwear. Put that down and go look in the closet." 

Wufei snorted but didn't relinquish the erotic article. Just to perturb Trowa, he rested it on his shoulder before proceeding past the slightly taller man to the closet. Trowa took Wufei's place at the dresser. 

As soon as Trowa reached the dresser, he began flinging items from it onto the bed. "You can't do anything right," said Trowa as he threw a lavender lacey bra over his shoulder. "Anything from here will do." 

Wufei didn't say anything. He reached into the closet and pulled out a large pink feathered boa. "You call me incompetent? How could you miss this?" He turned around and dangled the boa before him. 

Trowa turned to look at the brightly colored article. His eyes moved over it distastefully. "It's tacky." 

Wufei snorted again. "We're not preparing for a fashion show. What does it matter?" 

Trowa turned away. "Forgive me for having some sense of aesthetic." Trowa paused for a moment before saying, "Bring everything downstairs while I get my camera." 

"I'm not your errand boy." 

"I never said you were." Without another word, Trowa left his position from in front the dresser and walked out the door. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Wufei entered the den. In his arms was an overflow of feminine items, some were dainty and frilly in nature and some skirted on the erotic. With his head cocked to the side, he approached a currently at rest Duo Maxwell. His eyes roved Duo's sleeping form, taking the length of his lax lean body. But he was interrupted from a thorough assessment by the sound of approaching footsteps. Trowa entered the room with a large professional looking camera in one hand. His other hand was behind his back as he approached Wufei. 

"I found something else while I was looking for my camera." 

Wufei turned to glance at him. "What? One more reason to finally get a decent hair cut?" 

Trowa managed not to glare at him. Years of suffering hair jokes had given him a tough outer shell. He simply pulled his hand from behind his back and raised it to the level of Wufei's face. From his long fingers, dangled a shiny pair of— 

Wufei's eyes actually widened. "Handcuffs?" 

Trowa nodded and for the first time that night, a smile seemed to touch the corners of his lips. "It's seems my dry spell is over. I'm feeling a bit creative." Trowa's eyes moved to Heero. "And I'll need your hands to help me." 

Wufei arched an eyebrow. He caught on and dropped his arm full of Catherine's intimate articles. They fell to the floor with a flop. 

Both men moved over to Heero's unconscious snoring figure. Trowa rested his camera on the far end of the couch and kept the handcuffs in the other hand. There was a glance at Wufei before he reached over to shake Heero. The man grumbled something about fighting fire mages in a bat cave before sinking deeper into unconsciousness. Trowa shook his head as he slipped his arms underneath Heero's pits and began to drag him from the couch. With his irritation showing, Trowa looked up at Wufei say, "Get his legs. He's dead weight." 

"Weakling," murmured Wufei before moving to take Heero's legs. But, he grimaced a little as they began to move Heero over to the couch on which Duo slept. Trowa was correct. Heero appeared much heavier than he looked. But, amazingly enough, all the while, even as they almost dropped him, Heero continued to snore. 

Unceremoniously, Trowa and Wufei plopped him on the couch beside Duo. The sudden weight on the couch caused the braided man to stir in his sleep. Both Wufei and Trowa froze in silence. They watched as Duo scratched his crotch before falling back asleep. 

Tentatively, Trowa stepped forward with the handcuffs ready. He slipped one metal bracelet around Heero's wrist and the other around Duo's and then locked the handcuffs in place. 

"You have keys for those," asked Wufei. 

Trowa answered, "I lost them weeks ago." 

Both men shrugged before bending to pick at the pile of Catherine's things. Among the articles of clothing were other items that Trowa had picked from Catherine's dresser to throw onto her bed. Nail polish, make-up, and perfume were among the heap of brassieres, panties, and scarves. 

Without really paying attention to aim, Wufei and Trowa began to throw the little lace articles onto Heero and Duo. The delicate articles landed softly and silently on the two sleeping men. A lavender bra landed on Heero's head. A gossamer pink panty hung from Duo's shoulder. Nylons fell between the sleeping pair. A lemon colored thong fell over Heero's crotch… 

Finally, the pile was empty and the only items that remained were the nail polish, perfume, and the make-up. 

Trowa eyed the make-up bag and said, "Too risky. They'll wake up." 

Wufei already had a bottle of Cupid's Passion nail polish in his hand. "That still leaves their hands." He moved forward, trying to near Maxwell as quietly as possible. 

He twisted the cover off the nail polish. Carefully, with his free hand, he made a move to position Maxwell's hand to allow maximum coverage. But, the very moment their skin made contact, Duo moved against the couch. One word fell from his lips as he resettled himself against the couch. "Milliardo…" 

Wufei almost choked. He dropped Duo's hand. 

"Who's Milliardo," asked a half interested Trowa from behind. 

"His brother-in-law," murmured Wufei with a slight smirk. "Interesting…Interesting…" Wufei lifted his free hand again. This time he brought it close to Duo's knee. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Just an experiment," murmured Wufei with a look of concentration on his face. 

Trowa's eyes narrowed as he watched Wufei run his hand along Duo's inner thigh. 

In his sleep, the braided man writhed against the couch cushions. His lips parted and one more word fell from his lips. "Relena…" 

Wufei turned green as he whispered, "That name wasn't as gratifying to hear…" He turned around to face Trowa. "But…" The green faded away to be replaced by an expression of amusement. "He's dreaming of both brother and sister…there's still hope…" Wufei dunked the nail polish brush into the bottle. He pulled it out and it was laden with fuchsia. "There's still hope…" 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Duo awoke with a start. A loud, adolescent and almost goat like voice woke him from his drunken slumber. 

  


//Dirty Pop! I'm sick and tired of hearing   
All these people talk about   
What's the deal with this pop life   
And when is it going to fade out?// 

  


His hands flew to his head to drown out the droning voice. Well, his hands tried to. The left one succeeded and cupped his ear while the other one seemed weighted down. 

Duo tried to lift his right hand. Finally, after much tugging, he lifted it and saw *two* hands instead of his singular right one. He nearly jumped out of his skin. 

At least that was until he saw the set of metal bracelets that paired his hand with another. And then he turned to the right and was greeted with an alarmingly 

close face and a hooded pair of Prussian eyes. 

And then the owner of the face spoke and Duo was greeted with the scent of stale liquor. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as Heero grumbled over the music, 

"It's about time you woke up." 

Duo closed his eyes. "Where am I?" He rubbed his temples. 

"Trowa's house." 

"Dear God…" Instead of being surprised by his handcuffed situation Duo found another cause for his irritation. His temples continued to throb with the irksome upbeat music. Duo griped, "Is he responsible for this music?" 

  


//Baby, you can't stop   
When the music's all you got   
Come on now   
This must be POP!//

  


Heero nodded. It was a motion Duo missed. Heero continued, "I assume he set it to come on at this time. I've been coherent for half an hour without having the chorus of 'N sync's 'Pop' ringing in my ears…" 

" 'Coherent?'" Duo snorted. Who used the word coherent so casually? Duo managed a bleary and slightly peeved gaze at Heero. He was still quite soused so he couldn't quite make sense of what was going on. "So you just sat there without waking me?" 

"Yes." 

A disgusted sigh left Duo. 

"But, in that time, I removed all the underwear from us." 

There wasn't a word for the look of alarm and disbelief on Duo's face. He wriggled in his position on the couch. His drunken state kept him from really reacting to his situation, but he was sure he felt that his tighty-whities were still securely in place. 

Heero shook his head. "No, they put underwear on *top* of us…and took pictures." This was all said in a rather calm tone. 

Duo's eyes sprung open to dart over to his composed informant. "What?!!!" Duo had sobered up, and fast. 

Heero simply outstretched his free hand and first gestured to the pile of women's underwear he'd set up by throwing the dainty articles to a space on the floor and then his hand moved to gesture to a camera that was placed on a single chair before them. It was obvious that both the chair and the camera had been placed there for both Duo and Heero to see when they awoke. 

Heero explained, "Trowa's a professional photographer." 

There came a choked noise from Duo. "And you let all this happen," asked Duo in a small voice as he looked from the pile of women's under things and thought of the resulting pictures. 

"I awoke *after* the fact. I simply put two and two together." 

Duo swallowed and crumpled inwardly. His left hand covered his face. Was he really having a rational conversation about being photographed in women's underwear while handcuffed to another man…an all too comfortable *gay* man? Duo sighed and his head continued to throb. Apparently, he was. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

A groggy Quatre struggled into consciousness. He groaned but even as he did he became aware that his head was supported by a soft pillow and his body by a firm mattress. Obviously, someone had carried him away from the den to this bedroom. He groaned again, but then the sound of movement from his side caused him to pause mid groan. It came from a figure which stood at the bed's side. It was— 

"Trowa," murmured Quatre as his red eyes took in the lanky man's familiar figure. Quatre made no motion to sit up. A wounded expression appeared on his face which was replaced by one of anger as he recalled how he'd passed out to begin with. 

"Don't be angry," said Trowa from above him. 

"Why shouldn't I?" replied the blonde. He turned on his side. He had sobered up considerably in the elapsed time but his choked utterance had caused him to feel queasy. 

"I'll make it up to you," Trowa said simply. He continued to stand over the bed. 

"How? Are you going to slip something into Wufei's drink as well?" The blonde seemed truly irked. 

There came a snort from across the room. It came from Wufei. He remarked, "So vindictive, Quatre. I'm surprised." 

The blonde frowned. He hadn't even realized that Wufei was in the room. 

Trowa sat on the bed and said in a voice that was so low it missed Wufei's ears entirely. "Forget tonight and I'll take you clubbing." 

Against the pillow the blonde hid his excitement. But he couldn't help but murmur, "Promise?" 

"It's a promise." Trowa hid a smirk. Quatre was too easy to appease. Trowa left the bed in one fluid motion before saying, "Now, follow me. It's time for a trip to the dark room." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Duo made an attempt to dart off the couch to make a grab for the camera, but he was prevented from reaching it. He needed Heero to move with him in order to succeed. 

Heero didn't react to the severely pissed off expression that ruled Duo's features. He continued to sit on the couch as he said simply, "Do you really think Trowa would leave a roll of those pictures behind? The camera's just there to taunt us. You're wasting your time." 

"How can you be so calm about this?!" 

There was a miniscule quirk of Heero's lips. "I don't have a wife to explain myself to." When Duo paled to a deathly shade of gray, Heero continued, "How do you think Mrs. Maxwell is going to feel about those pictures?" An unusually talkative Heero raised his arm, consequently lifting Duo's shackled arm as well. "Trowa's probably developing them right now. He just might make the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper." 

"Newspaper?" Duo's eyes grew wide. 

"Yes, the Greenwood Closet." 

A very pale Duo wobbled precariously in his sitting position. "Greenwood…has its own newspaper?" 

Heero nodded. "But, it's become so popular over the years that it's circulated in Silverrod City as well." Dispassionately, Heero watched Duo go from white to green. He added to Duo's distress by saying, "I can already see the Greenwood headlines: Straight Man Comes Out in a Big Way. The Ultimate Fantasy…Women's Lingerie and Bondage." 

Shaking, Duo interjected, "That's impossible…" 

Heero snorted, "Unfortunately for you, it isn't. Trowa's the head photographer. His pictures always make front page." 

  
--- 

  
Lyrics taken from 'N sync's "Pop" 

  
Part 5 

  



	5. Part 5

The Improbable part 5  
By Tralla 

  
{ a recollection } 

  
**Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made. **

Thanks for the feedback! 

Duo sat statue still on the couch beside Heero. The other man's words were still ringing through his ears as a disquieting reverb: {Trowa's the head photographer. His pictures always make front page}. And then before wide eyes Duo saw his own future. He pictured little old ladies in supermarkets holding the latest edition of the Greenwood Closet. Their little wrinkled faces were contorted with disapproval and loathing. Their mouths were open wide in horror. He pictured them spasming with heart attacks as they took in pictures of him dappled with women's negligees while being handcuffed to another man. And then Duo's mind left the imaginary moribund old ladies. He began to think of legions of office workers stampeding by the local newsstand on their way to work. He saw them glancing at the headline "Straight Man Comes Out in a Big Way. The Ultimate Fantasy…Women's Lingerie and Bondage." And he saw them laughing and pointing at his picture. He heard the words "homo" and "queer" being shouted in conjunction with his name. And then he saw something that made him turn absolutely green. He saw his wife and her brother taking a morning stroll by that same newsstand and he pictured Milliardo bending down to pay for a newspaper for Relena. And then his saw his wife fainting dead away…only to land in the hands of a blatantly straight office worker who offered to take her mind off her queer husband by screwing her brains out. And then Duo saw Milliardo giving his approval of the idea… 

Still green, Duo managed to choke out, "I've got to find Trowa. NOW." 

Surprisingly Heero, who had only moments before seemed bent on torturing the other man, said, "He should be in the darkroom." 

Duo appeared dumbfounded as Heero continued, "I'll help you find him." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

They were walking together as a handcuffed pair. And Heero was guiding the way. The man led Duo through the lower level of the house with brisk strides. He suddenly paused before a cream colored door. 

Duo grew anxious. He was ready to tell Trowa off and demand the film back. He was shaking with anger as he watched Heero reach for the doorknob, twist it and push the door open. But Duo's ire was completely knocked aside as he found himself peering at a white porcelain bowl…instead of the lanky man that held possession of the source of his anxiety. 

It took Heero's yanking him forward to stir Duo from his stupor. Duo was standing right before the toilet by the time he managed to exclaim, "This is a bathroom not a darkroom!" 

"Can't put anything past you," murmured Heero. 

Duo felt his hand being moved toward Heero's crotch as the man tried to unzip his pants. Duo tried to snatch his hand back. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" 

"I can't hold it in any longer," was Heero's simple reply. He overpowered Duo long enough to undo his pants. 

Duo turned blue in the face. Unfortunately, for him Heero was left handed…and his right hand was handcuffed to Heero's left which meant that his hand was only inches away from Heero's….Duo tried to distract himself from what was going on. 

He bit his lip. Ok…this was nothing…nothing at all. But he couldn't distract himself from the situation no matter how much he tried to think of other things. He could hear Heero's stream of urine echoing throughout the little bathroom. God, it was like a small waterfall spilling into a formerly still pool. Duo's teeth dug harder into his lips. It was like a river coursing into a dormant lake. It was like…Oh God…it was like… 

Beads of sweat broke out on Duo's forehead. Dear God, it was like that time he and Relena watched Titanic. He remembered all those scenes of the large vessel cutting through miles and miles of ocean…of mass bodies of turbulent sea… 

The trickling suddenly tapered off, but before Heero could finish shaking himself off Duo had half nudged/half pushed him out of the way. Hurriedly, the braided man undid his pants. There came an ecstatic sigh as he felt the urine pour from him. God, for a second there, he'd thought he was going to burst. 

But then the urgency was over and he'd finished his task. He shook himself off, tucked himself back into his briefs, and began to close his pants. But then something stopped him mid task. He felt breathing on his neck and he turned to face an alarmingly close Heero. 

Duo turned white as he realized that Heero was still exposed. But he turned even whiter when Heero murmured in a surprisingly warm tone, "You're bigger than I thought." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Heero was being surprisingly nice to Duo and it unnerved the braided man. Instead of tugging him along like before, Heero matched his pace to Duo's. Duo frowned and wondered if Heero's suddenly genial nature had anything to do with the bathroom incident. But Duo was saved from contemplation as they suddenly stopped short in front of a black door that said "darkroom" in white letters on it. Beside the door was a large red light, which, when on, signaled that the room was in use. The light was definitely on which meant that Trowa was definitely inside. 

With his fist, Duo hammered on the door. But he stopped suddenly, at a lost for words. Finally, he managed to sputter, "Trowa, you can't develop those pictures! I could lose my job over this!" 

"And your wife," added Heero. 

Duo glared at Heero. "Obviously, but saying that doesn't guarantee his sympathy, now does it?" 

Heero didn't bother with a reply. 

There came some noise from the other side of the door followed by a voice. "Go away. I'm busy." 

Duo went white. 

But surprisingly, Heero came to Duo's rescue. He knocked on door. "Trowa, he thinks you're going to publish the pictures in tomorrow's Greenwood Closet." 

There came a snort from the other side of the door. "Where did he get a stupid idea like that," asked Trowa. 

"I have no idea," murmured an unrepentant, blameworthy Heero as he looked away from Duo's glowering gaze. 

Trowa continued talking through the door. "Do I write articles for the newspaper?" 

Neither Duo nor Heero knew if he expected them to reply. 

"Do I?" repeated Trowa. 

Apparently, he did. 

"No," responded Heero. 

"Do newspapers usually publish photographs that aren't accompanied by articles?" Trowa didn't waste time waiting for an answer. 

The two could hear him moving away from the door. 

"Wait!" Duo grew frantic as he remembered another reason for seeking out Trowa. "The keys! We need the keys for the handcuffs!" 

There was laughter on the other side of the doorway, but it wasn't Trowa's. Wufei's very distinct voice carried through to the door to say, "He lost the keys weeks ago." 

For the first time that night, Heero joined Duo in turning white. 

Heero called through the door, "Wufei, that *isn't* funny!" Apparently, Heero's cool demeanor had rested on the fact that he thought his and Duo's handcuffed situation could be undone with a simple remedy.

He was wrong and Trowa proved it by saying quite plainly, "It isn't a joke, Heero." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

In the darkroom, Quatre frowned at both Trowa and Wufei. Those two…their behavior was absolutely reprehensible. Quatre continued to lean against the wall and as he did he continued to watch Trowa at work. The blond sighed quietly. Actually, Wufei's behavior wasn't what irked him. The Chinese man wasn't acting out of the ordinary. He was always giving someone hell in one way or another. He delighted in getting under other people's skin. Quatre snorted. It probably made Wufei feel superior. The blond didn't seem much surprised by the thought. But, Trowa, his behavior, his attitude, his entire manner had surprised Quatre. Trowa, as much he was given to murmured catty retorts, never put energy into insulting anyone. He was too roundabout to attack anyone directly. But tonight, what had inspired him to act so maliciously? Not just to Duo, the straight newcomer, but to Heero and more importantly---the blonde frowned harder than he had in his entire life--- and more importantly how could Trowa treat *him* that way? How could he have drugged him just so he could be at liberty to play a prank with Wufei of all people? 

The blonde was going to find out, but he was going to do it methodically. 

Quatre stood up from his slouched position on the wall. "You guys are being too hard on them," said an outwardly calm Quatre referring to the handcuffed Duo and Heero. 

"Heero can take it," replied Trowa absentmindedly as he retrieved a fully developed picture from a basin of solution. 

"Perhaps," said Quatre as he approached Trowa from behind. "But can Duo?" 

From his own dark corner of the room, Wufei snorted, "They can call a locksmith." 

Quatre shook his head. "Yes, that would be perfect. But how many 24 hour locksmiths do you know of, Wufei?" 

That shut the Chinese man up. 

"Like I thought," murmured Quatre a bit unkindly. "You can't think of any because there aren't." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Duo and Heero realized that very fact after a glance at Heero's watch. It was 2 a.m. Who the hell would be open for business at this time of night? Well, maybe fast food restaurants and pharmacies…and the likelihood of their finding aid at those establishments was slim to none. 

"What do we do now?" grumbled Duo as he sat next to Heero on a couch in Trowa's living room on the upper level of the man's house. 

Heero eyed him carefully, his gaze lingering on Duo's hair. 

"What are you looking at?" Duo gave Heero a glare as to warn him not to entertain any lascivious thoughts. 

"Hairpins," murmured Heero before turning away. "Do you have any in there?" 

Duo scowled. He was obviously insulted as he said, "Do I look like I wear hairpins?" 

"It was just a thought." 

"Women wear hairpins! What do I look like?" 

"You don't want me to answer that," said Heero deadpan. 

Duo continued to scowl. 

After a moment, Heero continued, "But, you do have a point. Perhaps, your wife has hairpins. I could probably pick this lock if I had some." 

Duo actually looked at him. "You could?" 

Heero nodded as he shifted as though he was about to stand up. Duo caught hint of the slight motion and stood with Heero. They were getting the hang of moving in sync. 

Duo frowned a little. It was late, but hopefully his wife was in bed. He really didn't want to offer any explanations. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Quatre hovered a little by Trowa's side. "I think we should be nicer to Duo." 

Without stopping his task at the sink, Trowa asked, "Why?" 

"Because, at this rate, he'll hate us." 

"So?" 

"Trowa…think of it. The five of us could make a nice... group." 

From his region of the room, Wufei said, "And, is there something else behind this suggestion, Quatre?" 

"Of course," murmured the blonde. 

Trowa spared Quatre a glance. "And, it is?" 

"I could use a companion," said the blond simply. 

Once again, Wufei snorted. But his tone was amused rather than mean-spirited as he said to Quatre, "I keep forgetting you're bi. I see… I see. You're tired of feeling like fringe. But, I hope you realize that latching onto a straight man may have unexpected drawbacks. It may just change your status." 

"My status?" 

"Yes, Quatre, as your father's only son, his "irretrievably" gay heir. It's wrong to toy with an old man's hopes--" 

The blond frowned. "Wufei, why did you have to bring that up?" 

Wufei sighed. For a moment, he actually sounded contrite. "Forgive me. I'm being spiteful." 

"Why are you?" 

The Chinese made a noise of resignation. "It's a reflex. I get this way with all my rivals." 

The blonde's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "I'm your competition?" 

"Obviously," responded Wufei. His amused tone had returned. "Aren't you going after Maxwell? Isn't that what that 'companion' speech was all about?" 

At his position at the sink, Trowa suddenly turned on the faucet. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Heero and Duo were outside Duo's residence. They stood on the man's doorstep with Heero at the right and Duo on the left. 

Duo struggled to get his keys out. The problem? He was using his left hand to get at his keys which were in his right pocket. 

"Perhaps, you shouldn't wear such tight pants," commented Heero. 

"My pants aren't tight," responded a slightly irked Duo. 

"Then what's the problem?" 

Duo swore underneath his breath. There was a hole in his pocket. It had been there for ages. And over time, the little aperture turned into something large enough to swallow two of the keys on his key chain. He swore again. The keys were caught on frayed fabric of the hole and the angle at which he was forced to tug with his left hand made it extremely difficult for him pull the keys free. 

In disgust, Duo took his hand out of his pocket. "God damn it," he said. He was about to give it another go when he suddenly felt Heero's hand pushing its way into his pocket. For a moment, he froze. 

"You're deluded," murmured Heero as his hand maneuvered its way in. "Your pants are tighter than the average man's." 

"Your hands are too big," responded a red-faced, uncomfortable Duo. He tried not wriggle as he felt fingers against his thigh. Then he heard ripping and his eyes grew large. "What the hell are you doing?!" 

"I can't get the keys out unless I make the hole bigger. What do you care? Just sew it back later." 

Duo clamped his mouth shut as Heero pulled out the ring of keys. Silently, he took the keys from Heero. A bit clumsily he managed to single out the correct key with his left hand and was about the stick the key into the lock when something unexpected occurred. 

The door suddenly opened as the key hovered an inch from it. 

Miraculously, as if by a reflex, Heero pushed their arms behind them and edged closer to Duo to block sight of the handcuffs. 

"M---Milliardo," sputtered an alarmed Duo as his eyes took in the figure standing in the doorway. 

"I knew I heard someone out here," murmured the tall blond man. 

"What are you doing in my house?" At that point, Duo realized that Milliardo was shirtless and wearing only a pair of dress pants. 

The man's long blond hair hung about him. It rested on his shoulders and chest as a luminous silky offering as he said, "It was late when Relena and I came back from the movies. I decided to sleep on the couch and drive back in the morning." 

"…" Duo's head began to swim. "Relena…she's still up?" 

"Yes." Milliardo's eyes narrowed. "Duo, you're being ruder than usual. Who is that at your side?" 

"Ugh…" Duo was all too conscious of his handcuffed wrist that was shaking behind his back. 

But Milliardo saved Duo a reply. He reached out a hand to a mute, unmoving Heero. "I'm Milliardo, Duo's brother-in-law. And you are?" 

Heero just stared at him. His eyes were wide and unblinking. It seemed to take him a while to register what was going on. He took in a breath as he reached out his free hand to shake the perfectly sculpted yet undeniably real hand outstretched before him. "I'm Heero. I'm one of the neighbors." 

Milliardo took his hand back and looked from a green Duo to a flush-faced Heero. He eyed the two warily. "Are you two planning on coming in?" 

"Uhh…" Duo managed a glance at Heero. "Uhhh…no. I—I was just going to drop in and…and tell Relena that I was spending the night at Heero's…Yeah, that's it. A poker game. A late night poker game…" 

"You could have called," said Milliardo while scrutinizing Heero, who seemed to have ceased blinking altogether. 

"Yeah, I know…but I didn't know if she was awake. I…was going to leave a note. But, now you can just tell her for me." Duo plastered on a smile but his eyes darted around anxiously. "Got to go. Bye." 

Milliardo just continued to stand in the doorway. When Heero and Duo failed to move from the doorstep he said, "I thought you were going." 

A nervous chuckle escaped Duo. "I wouldn't want to be rude again, Milliardo. We'll leave after you close the door." 

There was a long dragging moment of silence. A bead of sweat moved from Duo's forehead and trickled down his nose. 

Milliardo scrutinized the pair for another moment before he said, "Goodnight, gentlemen." And then he closed the door. 

Duo's painted on smile disappeared. He scowled at the closed door as he thought of the close call with his irksome brother-in-law. "God, he's such an asshole," grumbled Duo as he was about to turn and make a quick retreat, but he was stopped when he realized that Heero wasn't moving along with him. Duo just looked at him. 

Stricken, Heero could only stare at the closed door. He explained in low haunted voice, "I've got a thing for men with long hair." A still recovering Heero stared at the hand that had been so blessed as to come in contact with that blond god's skin. After feeling Duo jerk away in surprise, he added, "Don't worry. You're the exception." 

A sudden dark look grazed Duo's features. He was a bit miffed that Milliardo could trump him in *anything,* even in a gay video gamer's affections. 

"And why is that?" asked Duo in an obviously hostile tone. 

Heero snorted as he and Duo began to move away from the doorstep, "It's because, unlike Wufei, I don't get my kicks off hunting straight men." 

Duo's eyes grew large and his anger flew to the wind to be replaced by apprehension. "Hunting?" 

"Yes," murmured Heero. "And the funny thing is…he somehow manages to get exactly what he wants, each and every time." 

  
Part 6 


	6. Part 6

The Improbable Part 6  
By Tralla 

  
**Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made. **

Mwhahaha...thanks for the R&R! 

  


"What the hell are we supposed to do now?" muttered Duo. 

He and Heero continued to walk down the block. They were several houses away from Duo's doorstep. 

Without a glance at Duo, Heero suggested, "We could go back to your house--" 

"And do what? Explain these to Relena?" Duo lifted his handcuffed wrist. The light from a lamppost caused the metallic links and bracelets to glint. 

"I wasn't suggesting saying anything to your wife. But her brother--" 

Duo stopped in his tracks. "Milliardo. You want me to ask *Milliardo* for help?" Duo appeared incredulous. "That guy has been trying to break me and Relena up for years. I can't trust him as far as I can kick him." 

"Break you up?" 

Duo began walking again. Heero actually had to put effort to keep up with Duo's angry strides. The braided man's voice was low with latent anger. "To put it simply, Milliardo's a Grade A snob. He doesn't think I'm good enough for Relena." 

Heero didn't say anything. But after walking for a minute in silence, he murmured, "We should have a destination. I don't want to end up walking all night." 

Still agitated, Duo said, "Well, brainiac, come up with a solution." 

Heero seemed unaffected by the peevish remark. He was calm and collected as he said, "We have three options: we can return to Trowa's or…we can break into Quatre's or Wufei's house." 

Eyes wide, Duo sputtered, "What did you just say?" 

"I'm quite sure you heard me," replied Heero. "I don't like repeating myself." 

"Break in…" Duo fixed Heero with a wary glance. "What the hell's wrong with you? We can go to your house." 

"That isn't an option. No one goes to my house--" 

Duo brought a hand to his forehead and muttered, "Yeah yeah, I forgot. No one can see your precious Sony Prototypes. Well, what if I told you I don't give a damn about Sony? I haven't played a video game in years." 

Heero actually stopped mid-step. His face was ashen. 

Duo took a wary step back, but the handcuff links went taut. He wasn't going anywhere. 

Heero faced Duo, his eyes twitching. 

Duo swallowed under the intense, penetrating gaze. 

In a low stern voice, Heero murmured, "Are you telling me you haven't played a video game in *years*??" 

"Ahhh…stop it, Heero. You're weirding me out." Duo tried to take another step back. 

Heero reached out to grab his free arm, "No, you're not going anywhere until we finish this conversation." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Trowa had left the photographs for the rather interesting turn in Quatre and Wufei's discussion. He leaned against the wall as a silent observer. 

"You can't be serious, Wufei. That's sick," exclaimed the blonde. 

Trowa allowed himself a smirk. Too bad they were still in the darkroom. It would have been interesting to see the look on each man's face. He could picture Quatre standing with balled fists and a flustered expression. No doubt Wufei was wearing a grin. 

"What's so sick about it, Quatre? You're being a prude," remarked the Chinese man. 

The blonde sputtered for a moment. "It's cruel, Wufei. And, I don't want any part of it." 

"Well, protect Maxwell then. Be his blonde savior. Or, come up with another suggestion." 

"Wufei, not everyone is waiting for someone to 'convert' them. Not everyone is like you." 

"What do you know about that, Quatre?" 

The blonde actually snorted. At last, he had the upper hand in the conversation. "When you're drunk, Wufei, you're guard is down. You let all sorts of things slip." He waited for Wufei to come up with a retort. When the Chinese man failed to respond, Quatre continued, "I have a better idea. A compromise, in fact. This way, everyone has a fair chance, and Duo won't find himself fending off unwanted advances." 

"Why do I feel like I'm back in kindergarten?" murmured a disgusted Wufei. "If I hear the word 'share' come out of your mouth, Quatre, I'll retch. Don't doubt me." 

The blond smiled in the darkness. "Don't worry, Wufei. You'll like this solution. It involves a little friendly persuasion." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

"What was the last video game you played?" 

Duo managed to shrug Heero's hand away. "Street Fighter III. Arcade version." 

"Why?" 

"Can we worry about the handcuffs? You can grill me later." 

"I'm serious. Why?" 

Duo shook his head. It was obvious Heero wasn't going to move one inch until he answered. "I was at some greasy pizza joint on campus. There was a long wait for my order. So, I killed time. Satisfied?" 

Heero appeared pensive but he managed a response. "For now, but we've got to give you a better reason for playing video games." 

A disgusted sigh left Duo's lips. "Can't you be normal for just a second? Christ, the handcuffs, Heero." Duo took a calming breath and then realized a new tactic. "You won't get to play with your precious Sony Prototypes as long as you're handcuffed to me." 

The comment was enough for Heero to return to reality. "What house do we go to?" 

"Umm…the one that doesn't involve illegal breaking in and entering." 

"It's not really breaking in and entering if I know the alarm codes for their houses, is it?" 

"…" Duo thought for a moment. "Which house has the higher chance of having something to pick these handcuffs with?" 

After a few seconds, Heero replied, "Wufei's house." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

The two stood on Wufei's doorstep. The house wasn't anything special. The outside was entirely white, but other than that it resembled every other house in that part of the neighborhood. 

Duo watched as Heero keyed in the code to disable the house's alarm. "Wufei trusts you enough to give you the code to his house?" 

There came something that sounded like a snort from Heero. "I never said he gave me anything." 

"Then how?" 

"I've got a good memory," was Heero's simple reply. But then he decided to elaborate. "Each number on the key pad has a beep of a different tone. Each number differs by a half note. I've heard Wufei disable the alarm enough times to have the notes ingrained in my head. It's like a god awful jingle." 

A little uneasy about the admission, Duo stood motionless. He jerked back in surprise as Heero suddenly stuck a hand out to him. 

"Do you have a credit card you aren't going to use," asked Heero without a change in expression. 

"Why?" 

"It's pretty obvious. I disabled the alarm, now I have to break in." 

Duo sighed and shook his head. Without a word, he reached into his back pocket and tugged his wallet free. With one hand, he opened it and presented it to Heero. "Take the Supermarket Super-dee-Duper Savings Plus Card. I can always get another." 

"You should be ashamed to carry something like that around…" Heero took the card out and began tampering with the lock. 

Duo pocketed the wallet. Instead of being edgy and alarmed, he watched in awe. "How do you know how to do that?" 

The lock gave way. Heero turned to look at him. "I was sort of a delinquent in high school. Old habits die hard." 

Before Duo could comment, Heero turned the doorknob…and a loud shrill alarm went off accompanied by bright flashing lights and barking. 

Duo went livid. "You asshole! I thought you knew what you were doing!" 

The barking grew louder. A pale shaking Heero, murmured, "Run. Run right now!" He took off, dragging Duo behind him. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

"What do you think of the plan, Trowa," asked Quatre. The two of them were outside the darkroom and in Trowa's kitchen. 

Trowa didn't return Quatre's gaze. "What does it matter? You and Wufei already came to an agreement." 

The blonde eyed him carefully. "You know why it matters. I'm not stupid, Trowa." 

"I never said you were." Trowa rested a hand on the fridge. After a moment he said, "It's late, Quatre. Perhaps you should go home." 

The blond frowned. He remained at his position by one of the kitchen's counters. "Is it so hard to come clean to me? You know I won't say anything to Wufei." 

Trowa's gaze was locked on the fridge. "There isn't anything to tell." 

There came a noise of frustration from Quatre. "Nothing's changed. You're still stubborn." 

At that, Trowa looked right at him. "Stubborn people don't help their exes seduce another man, do they?" 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

The dogs were behind them. Huffing, puffing, and hyperventilating Heero and Duo sped away. 

"The tree," yelled Heero. 

It must have been a miracle, because both men managed to shimmy and claw their way up onto a secure limb of a tree. The dogs snarled and charged at the tree, taking daring leaps. Their teeth missed the men's shoes by only an inch. 

On the limb, Duo tried to keep his feet out of their reach. His breath was still short as he exclaimed, "Where the hell did they come from?!" He eyed the pair of rottweilers warily. They growled at him from the foot of the tree. 

"They're Wufei's," murmured Heero. "I forgot all about them." 

"You forgot?! Well, you forgot about the second alarm too, right? Christ, I'm handcuffed, stuck in a tree with two rottweilers ready to tear me apart!" Duo glared at Heero. "I'd push you out of this tree but that means falling out with you!" 

"You really should calm down." 

"Calm down?!!" 

"It could be worse," said Heero. "The alarm could have signaled the police." 

That shut Duo up. He looked down at the ground. The dogs were pacing. 

A low laugh escaped Heero. "I haven't seen them since they were puppies. They've grown ugly," he murmured while looking down at the dogs. 

"I'm glad you can find this humorous." A disgusted sigh snaked past Duo's lips. "Can you explain to me why Wufei needs two alarms and a pair of deranged dogs for protection?" 

Heero continued to look down at the dogs. They were resting on the grass licking themselves. They seemed quite harmless while engaged in the task. Heero returned his gaze to Duo. "Wufei's an antique dealer specializing in weapons from some Chinese dynasty I've forgotten the name of. He works out of his home mostly, but he also has a shop in the city." 

Duo made a face. "He sleeps in a house full of weapons?" 

Heero snorted. "It's still not enough protection. He can't escape his past." 

Duo squinted. "What do you mean by that?" 

"Yes, Heero, what do you mean by that," asked an amused masculine voice from the ground. 

Both men looked down to see Wufei. Both dogs were excitedly licking his hands. 

Duo and Heero turned green. 

Wufei raised a hand and pushed up his sleeve. For some reason, his watch was flashing. He hit a button to turn it off and explained, "It's much less expensive to have the alarm to my house send a signal to my watch rather than to a squad of bumbling police officers. And, there's an added benefit. I get to personally handle anyone stupid enough to break into my house." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

The dogs had been put away. Duo and Heero had managed to get out of the tree…or rather fall out of the tree in unison. It was sheer luck that had gotten them into the tree, but their good fortune ran out once they tried to descend from it. The two landed in a heap at the foot of the tree. 

Wufei waited for them at the doorstep of his house. He bent down and picked up a bright orange and slightly mangled super market savings card. He turned it over in his hand with mild interest. 

Limping, Heero and Duo made it over to the Chinese man. 

Wufei fixed his gaze on Heero. "Up to your old tricks again?" He flicked the card at Heero. It hit Heero smack dab in the crotch before falling to the ground. 

"And the direction of your gaze hasn't changed," responded a red-faced Heero as he looked back at Wufei and then at the fallen card. 

There came a low chuckle from Wufei. He'd disabled the second alarm while Heero and Duo were making an attempt to safely leave the tree. He pushed open the front door and walked in, turning on lights as he walked through the house. "I assume you want something to pick the handcuffs with? Well, you're in luck. There should be something useful in the garage." Wufei disappeared for a moment and then reappeared with a remote control in hand. 

Heero and Duo had remained on the doorstep, each for their own reasons. Heero was trying to figure out how he could have missed sight of the second alarm while Duo was wondering if there happened to be more rottweilers prowling around the house… Wufei walked passed them and proceeded to the garage at the side of the house. He used the remote to open the garage door. It swung upward with a hiss. He went in, walked around his car, and flicked on the light. He turned around to face Duo and Heero. "What are you waiting for?" 

Both Heero and Duo entered the garage. 

Duo eyed Wufei suspiciously. "Why are you helping us?" 

Wufei began to move around the garage. He found what he was looking for. He lifted a length of a stiff, thin cable that was used for constructing wire fences. He walked over and handed the thin iron rod to Heero, who took it without a sound. 

With a blank expression, Wufei eyed him. "Is that good enough, Heero?" 

Heero nodded and lifted his shackled wrist, signaling for Duo to lift his as well. He began working on the lock. 

Duo continued to fix his gaze on Wufei. "You didn't answer my question, Wufei. What are you up to?" 

Wufei looked back at Duo. "Considering I just caught you and spy guy breaking into my house I think I deserve some respect. I'm helping you because I'm not a complete bastard." 

Duo frowned at him. He suddenly heard a click and felt the metal bracelet fall from his wrist. His voice was surprisingly devoid of resentment as he said, "Thank you, Heero." 

"It's nothing," responded Heero as he chucked the thin length of mangled iron into a nearby trashcan. 

Duo rubbed at his red, sore wrist. He looked from Heero to Wufei and said, "It's been an interesting night that I don't want to repeat. I'm going home." He was about to turn and go when Wufei's voice stopped him. 

"Maxwell, I hope you realize that this was meant all in good fun." 

Duo snorted. "Well, *Chang*, I hope you realize that I don't have that good of a sense of humor." He turned again, ready to leave. He began to walk away. 

Strangely warm and gentle, Wufei's voice came from behind. "That's a shame, Duo. Because, we're not quite finished with you." But the murmur was so low it missed both Duo's and Heero's ears entirely. 

---- 

  
I'm feeling kind of dorkish. Here are some interesting links 

  


  
This one will take you to Street Fighter Information:  
http://www.yesterdayland.com/popopedia/shows/arcade/ag1142.php 

  
This link will take you to information about Rottweilers:  
http://www.amrottclub.org/rottweilers.htm 

  
This link will take you to information about tail docking in Rottweilers (I was curious as to why people cut their tails. I originally thought it was a selfish and cruel process but I was much surprised by the information)  
http://www.amrottclub.org/dock.htm 

  
Part 7 

  



	7. Part 7

The Improbable part 7  
By Tralla 

  
**Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. No profits are being made. **

Thanks for the R&R! 

  


The plot thickens and thickens… 

{a recollection} 

Duo sat in his living room. He was in his usual morning attire: greyish pajama bottoms and no shirt. One leg was propped up, knee bent on the couch while the other foot rested on the ground. He sat slumped against the couch cushions while shoveling cereal into his mouth. The TV was on and some morning daily show was on. He'd given up on switching channels and settled on devoting all his attention to his cereal. If he wasted anymore time on channel surfing he'd be left with a soggy mass of slop and, even though he wasn't a picky eater, the thought wasn't appealing. 

It was early in the morning, barely even 7:30 a.m. and he wasn't quite sure why he was even awake. But he was up. There came some rattling noises from the kitchen. Relena was in there trying to figure out how not to burn breakfast. Duo sighed. If his wife continued to cook their meals, he would end up living on cereal… 

It had been five days since they moved in and the last three days had been eerily quiet. Duo hadn't heard anything from Heero, Wufei, Quatre, or Trowa. He should have been grateful, but the feeling of relief evaded him. He was alarmingly paranoid. For some reason, he felt (and this was absolutely ridiculous, he'd told himself)…he felt that his soul was in immortal peril. The guys had left him alone…but what were they up to? For some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling that they were plotting against him. 

Everything was deceivingly normal. The men in the neighborhood continued their morning jogs as usual. Relena had learned to do the grocery shopping and he was going to start his new job on Monday, two days away. 

It was a lazy Saturday morning. Lazy and calm. 

Duo's eyes moved to the television. There was a report about some oil spill in the Pacific. Boring. He tapped the remote with his big toe. He shoveled more cereal into his mouth. Big Bird came on screen. It was a rerun of Sesame Street. He made a face and used his toe to move to a channel that wasn't based on promoting talking animals that had puppeteers' hands thrust up their wazoos. 

He continued to shovel cereal into his mouth. But then he paused mid motion as he watched the screen. 

There was a crowd of reporters thrusting there microphones in an older man's face. Angrily, the man pushed his way through the sea of paparazzi. He was heading toward a shiny tan limo. 

One chipper, aggressive reporter managed to sandwich her way in the man's path. 

The older man looked down at her with a dignified but obviously annoyed expression. His graying, dirty blonde hair fell over his eye. 

The reporter chirped, "Mr. Winner is it true that your son Quatre has been missing for over a year and a half?" 

In surprise, Duo promptly spit out his cereal. As a result of the eruption, bits of half chewed Cheerios landed on the carpet and splattered onto the tv screen. 

Mr. Winner replied, "I know exactly where my son is. Now, if you'll excuse me…" the man edged his way past the reporter. His bodyguards swarmed forward and blocked the reporters from successfully accosting him once again. 

The woman suddenly turned to the camera. Her face took up the entire screen as she said, "This is Sylvia Noventa reporting for It News. As you've just heard, Mr. Winner has denied that his son is in fact missing. But sources at the Winner foundation have stated that Quatre Raberba Winner has not been seen for over a year and a half. Quatre Winner, heir to the Winner foundation is to inherit the multibillion dollar empire on his 26th birthday, that is, if he returns. If you or anyone has information about the whereabouts of Quatre Winner, please call this number." 

The blonde man's picture suddenly appeared on screen with a hot line number blinking below it. 

Duo looked down and realized that he had dropped the remainder of his cereal in his lap. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

"Duo, how does this look?" 

Relena thrust a plate of slightly charred eggs into his line of sight. 

"I think I'm full," murmured Duo as he wiped at the stain on the crotch of his pjs. He was sitting at the dining room table with Relena. 

There came a soft noise from Relena as she took the plate away. "I forgot to tell you. Someone called for you last night." 

Duo looked up. "Who was it?" 

"I can't quite remember." 

"Then maybe it wasn't important." 

"But…" 

The doorbell suddenly rang, cutting Relena off. 

Duo sighed and got up from his seat to answer the door. In his usual careless fashion, he opened the door without checking to see who it was. 

On his doorstep was Heero, in sports gear 

Duo narrowed his eyes. "If you think I'm ever jogging again, you're out of your mind." 

"It's not that," responded Heero. And then his eyes left Duo's face and dipped lower. His gaze moved over the large dark stain on Duo's crotch. "Did I interrupt something," asked Heero with a twist of his lips. 

"Shut up," said Duo. "It's not what you think." 

"You don't have to explain…I just thought at your age wet dreams weren't a likely occurrence…" 

Red-faced, Duo sputtered, "Is there a reason why you're on my doorstep?" 

Heero was still scrutinizing him as he said, "There's something we forgot to tell you the other day. It's about Quatre." Heero paused. "I can tell from your face that you saw the news cast. We should go for a walk." 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

In unstained pants, black sneakers, and a t-shirt, Duo followed Heero. 

"Where are you taking me?" 

Without looking at him, Heero responded, "Quatre's house. He wants to speak to you personally." 

"Why?" 

"He wants to ask a favor of you." 

"Why does that sound sketchy?" 

"Probably because you have a dirty mind." Heero paused for a moment. "I was thinking about a few nights ago and the handcuffs." He shot a side glance at Duo. 

Duo was immediately put on guard. "What about the handcuffs?" 

"You aren't going to just let Trowa and Wufei get away with that, are you?" 

"Look, I don't want anything to do with those two. You already told me Wufei hunts straight men and Trowa can't stand me so let's drop it." 

"You have no backbone," responded Heero. "Well, I'm not letting it go. I still have marks on my wrist not mention bruises from falling out of that tree." 

Duo snorted. "That was your own fault. You're the one who wanted to break into Wufei's house." 

Heero didn't respond to the comment, but a moment later he announced, "We're here." 

They walked through the entrance of a white picket fence and approached a pale blue house. 

Heero rang the doorbell. 

A shirtless Quatre opened the door. A towel was thrown over his shoulder. His hair was still wet and hung in waves. He wore a pair of khaki slacks. He was barefoot. "Come in," he said as he made a move to usher Duo and Heero inside. 

Heero lifted up a hand. "That's ok. You don't need me here when you tell him." Before either man could comment, Heero turned and began to jog away. 

"What did he mean by that," asked Duo. "No, I have a better question. What do you want from me?" 

The blond appeared nervous for a second, but then he managed a smile. "I won't take up much of your time. Join me in the living room." 

Duo followed him down a corridor and to a large room. He was impressed with what he saw. And entire wall was a mirror and three tan suede couches, a 

30 inch television, a low glass table, and an ornate Persian rug, took up the rest of the living room. 

"Please take a seat while I grab a shirt." 

True to his word the blonde left and returned wearing a pale blue shirt. "I'll get straight to the point, Duo. Everyone else here knows the truth and they've all agreed to keep my secret." 

Expressionless, Duo watched him as he approached. 

"I'm sort of a disappointment to my family. I'm not fit to take over the company because there isn't a guarantee that I'll settle down and produce an heir. My father sent me to Greenwood with the intention of me getting my…'lust for men' out of my system. I'm supposed to return on my 26th birthday, straight and ready to take over the family business." 

Wide-eyed, Duo sputtered, "You're supposed to *turn* straight? Is that possible?" 

"My father thinks so. He has a right to hope. I've been attracted to women before." 

"Uhhh…I don't understand the problem. Why is this a secret?" 

Quatre's expression darkened. He perched himself on the couch beside Duo. "Despite my father's actions, my family is old fashioned. Do you know what a field day the press would have if they found out that the 'Winner heir' has been sent to a neighborhood full of gay men to get his deviant sexual urges out of his system? I have my sisters and their children to think of. The last thing I want to be called is 'Uncle Quatre the Perv'." 

Duo began to feel unnerved. Why was Quatre staring at him so intensely? "Ok, that makes sense. Thanks for the briefing. I'll keep my mouth shut. Got to go." Duo began to get up from the couch. 

Quatre reached out and grabbed him by the arm. The blond leaned closer over the couch. "There's something else…something slightly more pressing." 

"More pressing?..." Duo swallowed. Nervously, he tried to tug his arm away, but the blond seemed insistent. 

"I want us to be friends, Duo." 

"…" 

A drop of water from Quatre's hair fell onto Duo's forearm. It glided off the muscle and landed on the suede couch, darkening the fabric. Duo watched it happen. 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

"You look frightened," said Quatre as he released Duo. 

"…" 

When Duo didn't respond, Quatre continued, "I just want to make amends for the way we've treated you." Quatre sat up, putting some space between them. 

Now, Duo could breathe. 

The blonde watched him carefully. "I've talked it over with the other guys and they also want to make up for the other night." 

"Meaning, I get those pictures back?" 

Quatre raised an eyebrow. "That's part of the deal." 

"Deal? Since when is there a deal?" Duo was back to his usual agitated self. "Trowa took those pictures without my permission. They're mine." 

"You're only partly right. The pictures belong to you and Heero." 

"Gahhh…What?" 

Quatre placed a hand on the couch cushion between them. "Heero has agreed to relinquish all hold on the pictures, Wufei has agreed to apologize, and 

Trowa has agreed to return the film, as long as…" 

Duo eyed him suspiciously. "As long as what?" 

"As long as you give a potential friendship with us a chance. Come out with us tonight." 

Duo continued to eye him suspiciously. "Is that all?" 

"Not exactly…" 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Duo was dressed in black pants and a loose grey sweater. He heard the blond man's voice in his head: {Come out with us tonight.} Duo snorted. That wish 

was the least of his troubles. The blonde had enumerated other conditions not three seconds later. It seemed that during the three days of his escape from 

Heero, Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre the four men had indeed been plotting. Duo snorted again. He wasn't paranoid. And, for some reason, he was relieved that his fears were justified, but then the blonde man's voice came again: {We'll have a few get-togethers and each of us will have a chance to explain ourselves to you. Trowa got his chance to tell his story. Everyone else deserves the opportunity to do the same.} 

"Bah," said Duo. What was he? Stuck in an episode of Romper Room? He mocked the blond, "I want us to be friends, Duo." Then Duo made a face. No this wasn't some warm hearted attempt to make nice…to make friends. He was a sucker. He'd been blackmailed, and not even subtly into agreeing to the blonde's conditions. For each act of compliance on his part he would receive some of the film. A scowl came on Duo's face. Those men were twisted sons of bitches. He'd never been wheeled and dealed that way by even the most manipulative of women. Duo snorted. Even when he'd dated Dorothy, he'd never been faced with such blatant conniving. 

"Duo." 

Duo turned at the sound of Relena's voice. He was standing in the living room about to take off. "Yes?" 

She approached. "We should go out." 

"To eat?" Duo laughed. "I guess you're right." He thought of the failed soufflé, shriveled carrots, and watery soup she'd served for "dinner." 

"No," she said as she tilted her head and placed a hand on his chest. "We should go dancing. Something. Anything with you." 

Duo stared down at her. He tried not to pity her. She was so intensely in love him and he'd barely done anything for her. "Then, do I have permission to kick Milliardo out when he visits? If he's always here, ready to take you out, how can we have fun together?" 

A little crease appeared on Relena's forehead. "Brother is just worried." 

"Worried that we'd actually have a successful marriage?" 

Relena averted her gaze a little. "It's just…" 

Duo was already losing his temper. He took Relena's hand from his chest and held it. Unconsciously, he squeezed it a bit too tightly as he murmured in a low, dangerous tone, "It's just that he's miserable and bent on making me miserable. Doesn't he realize how sick it is to pay his sister such intimate attention?" 

"Duo…" 

"I bet if it were legal, *he* would have married you." 

"You're being vulgar, Duo." Relena snatched her hand back. Her gaze was fiery. 

Apologetic, Duo mumbled, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." 

Relena held her hands. Her eyes continued to have sparks in them, but this time without anger as she said, "Well, you can make it up to me. Dinner and a movie, followed by sex in the shower." 

Surprised, Duo snorted, "Now who's being vulgar?" 

~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~*~* ~ * ~* 

Much to Relena's disappointment, Duo couldn't give into her suggested exploits that night. He'd promised to go out with the four manipulative gay men he'd come to know as Heero, Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre. And as soon as he got all the film back he was going to be finished with them, for good. 

Mid hurried apology, Duo left Relena behind. His face hardened as he stepped out the doorway and closed the door behind him. A black long shiny Buick was waiting outside his house. The driver side window slowly slid down. Trowa's face was visible. He stuck his head out the window. With a look of incredulity on his face, he said to Duo, "You aren't going to wear *that,* are you?" The back window was lowered. Both Heero and Quatre's faces appeared. Both of them shook their heads in sad disapproval. 

Somewhat ticked, Duo responded, "What? What's wrong with what I'm wearing??" 

Trowa looked away from him. He looked back into the car and said, "Quatre, Heero, will you do me the favor of getting out the car and standing next to Duo?" 

There came some shuffling from inside the car. Then the back car door was opened and Heero and Quatre filed outward. 

Duo's mouth hung open as Heero and Quatre approached. "Gah..." 

What the hell were they wearing? 

Trowa piped up, ready with an explanation. His voice seemed to take on the timbre of a runway announcer. He leaned out he car window as he said, "Heero Yuy, a stunning male of 25, is wearing a classic nightlife ensemble. He is sporting a pair of liquid club jeans, perfectly black and perfectly made to reflect the lights of any establishment. These pants allow for that ultra tight, ultra sexy look without restricting the partygoer's movement. Heero, I think a demonstration is in order." 

At that point Duo realized that Heero was quite flush faced. And from that he gathered that the men had been drinking before they came to pick him up. But, the realization was knocked aside as Heero bent down to touch his toes. His pert ass was facing Duo. 

Duo quickly looked away. 

Heero stood up. 

Trowa chuckled but quickly returned to his announcer's voice. "Thank you, Heero, for that wonderful demonstration, which brings me to your shirt. Silver see thru mesh and just as tight as your pants. I give your fashion sense an A minus." 

At that, Heero turned around, "A minus?!" His dissatisfaction was evident. 

Trowa snorted, "The shoes, Heero. They're a bit scruffy looking." 

Heero scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. He couldn't argue with Trowa on that point. 

Trowa continued, "Next in line, Quatre Raberba Winner." 

Duo brought a hand to his forehead. He couldn't believe this was happening. 

"This blonde Adonis is sure to draw attention with this number. His silvery jean style pants are sure to delight onlookers. Sinfully tight and without back pockets, these pants provide the perfect silhouette of the perfect rear. Demonstration, Quatre?" 

Despite himself, Duo found himself laughing as Quatre raised his arms, clasped his hands behind his head and turned to the side. But Duo's laughter was cut short when Quatre suddenly twitched his ass muscles… 

"Like I said," commented Trowa. "Perfect rear. Now on to the shirt: a mystifying sleeveless number with silver and black patterns. And, look, polished shoes. Quatre, I have no choice but to give you a solid A." 

There came a sullen snort from Heero. 

"And gentlemen, our attention is now brought to a rather lackluster Duo Maxwell. Loose plants…and a baggy gray sweater. It looks like he's applying to be Mr. Roger's understudy rather than going clubbing with 4 sensational men." 

"Clubbing?" Duo choked. Since when was he going clubbing? And, then a bit pale he realized that Quatre never explained where they were taking him. God, he was stupid. He should have seen this coming. 

Trowa's voice jolted Duo back into the present. 

"There's only one solution to this eyesore: an intervention. Heero, go to your house and get your leather pants. Quatre, get that black shirt you wore last week." 

"Uhh, Trowa, Duo has a wider chest," remarked the blonde while eyeing Duo. 

For some reason, still in his announcer's voice Trowa replied, "I know. We're going for as tight a fit as possible." 

"Wait a god damned minute," sputtered a red-faced Duo. "You're not dressing me like—like---" 

"A fruit?" remarked Trowa in his normal dead tone. "You have a lot to learn, Duo. You go to that club looking as you are, straight, innocent and untouched and every man there will be on you." 

Duo turned white. "I'm not going anywhere. The deal's off." 

Trowa continued quite undeterred, "Look the part and there won't be a problem." 

At that, Duo was about to turn and walk away, but Trowa's voice stopped him, "You really should introduce us to your wife. She looks curious." Duo froze. "What did you just say?" 

"She looks curious," repeated Trowa. He lifted his hand and waved to Relena, who'd been standing in one of the windows of their house, watching the entire exchange. 

  
----  
I found an online men's catalog that offered these outfits…  
Research for this fic is actually quite fun ^_^ 

  



End file.
